


Things You Need to Do to Survive

by deathwishes



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Bullying, Catholic School, Drug Use, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Frerard, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Homophobia, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Lies, M/M, Pining, Protective Parents, Religious Conflict, Teen Angst, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:27:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9252443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathwishes/pseuds/deathwishes
Summary: Gerard was having a little difficulty getting home. It wasn’t the alcohol or the dark, and he knew the way back home, more or less. He was just having some trouble willing himself to move more than a few feet past Frank’s open window. He was perched against the corner of the house, ready to swiftly escape if anyone noticed him lingering.-------Gerard is unsure whether or not he should trust his new "popular" friend, Frank. Frank has good intentions, but he's fighting against his own denial, old fashioned religious parents, and lies. (Basically just another high school Frerard story.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, still figuring things out. Hope you like it  
> Changes POV from Gerard to Frank, =====

Frank had his head against a cold metal locker, looking at the passerby while he waited for Bob to gather his books. His gaze followed a pair of black jeans down the hall distractedly.  
“That Jenna is something, huh?” Frank’s head snapped back to Bob, who had his books in hand and was closing his locker. He shot another look at those jeans, then the skirt walking next to them.  
“Yeah. She sure is,” he smiled.  
“Come on, we better get to English, Mr. Jones already has it out for you. Being late won’t help anything,” Bob started to drag Frank down the hall towards the English classroom.  
The boys took their seats and the teacher began to discuss critical writing skills they would all need to master before college. Frank rolled his eyes. He wasn’t even a senior and they were already trying to prepare him for a future he wasn’t sure he even wanted. He felt his eyes wandering again. He sat in the left back corner just so he could see everything going on. Two girls in the row next to him always passed notes, trying to be what he assumed was “sneaky”. Bob sat in front of him and Frank couldn’t see his face, but he was sure it had a dead, I’m almost asleep look to it like it always did in any class. He saw Jim in the upper right corner possibly take a couple of pills from his pencil case and swallow them dry. Figures. He followed the last row down to the back of the classroom. The very end seat was empty like usual. The kid who sat there rarely showed up for class. Frank wasn’t even sure he came to school very often. He never saw him in the halls. This wouldn’t be so unusual, but their school was small, maybe 300 kids in the high school.  
It was a Catholic school with uniforms and everything - including a hefty tuition bill. Frank’s parents sent him there because they were both church-goers and his mother wanted him to receive a good education. She wanted him to go to a good college and get out of the town they were in. It wasn’t really a bad area, but there weren’t many opportunities. Frank appreciated that and he wanted to start a life somewhere else, too. He just didn’t think his life would start with “a good school”. He had a real passion for music, guitar especially. He didn’t really tell his parents or even his friends this, though. He guessed maybe 90% of his class planned to go to college after high school was done. It just wasn’t a popular idea. No one would take his music seriously.  
After English was lunch for Frank. He and Bob left the classroom together and walked right by the kid who was supposed to be in English with them. His black dress pants were a little too tight, his tie too loose and he didn’t look like he had showered that morning, or even the morning before that. Still, Frank thought, he wasn’t bad looking. He had long eye lashes and, despite being alone, had a bit of smirk, like he was in on this joke that the rest of the school just couldn’t make sense of. He caught Frank staring at him and his face clouded. He pushed past the other students and headed upstairs. Frank continued with Bob down to lunch, trying to act like he had been listening to everything Bob had just been saying.  
=====  
Gerard had skipped his English class and stayed in the art room finishing a charcoal drawing. Even though his drawing was just for fun, not to be turned in, Mrs. Ballato, or as he knew her, Lindsey, said she would write him a pass. He had decided to stay up in the art room for lunch as well, as usual. He spent a good 60% of his time up there somehow. The other 40% was divided to actually going to class and going outside for a cigarette behind the cafeteria.  
He was downstairs a minute before the bell rang, rummaging through his locker for lunch. When he finally found it amidst all the clutter and looked up he saw a boy staring him down. Frank, he thought his name was. He set his face sternly, shut his locker, and made his way back to the art room. The last thing he needed was another popular underclassman making fun of him to his friends. Frank didn’t really have a mean look in his eyes, though. He almost seemed like he was just taking Gerard in. That wasn’t right, though. No one liked Gerard, not at this school, anyway.  
He had friends, he thought, as he climbed the stairs to the art and music department. Mikey was his friend. Also his brother, but that was beside the point. And sometimes Mikey’s nicer friends came over post party and they would hang out in Gerard’s basement bedroom, watching old cheesy horror movies. He had Ray, too. Ray was an older guy Mikey knew somehow, just like he knew everyone else in the entire town. Gerard had really gotten to know him when Ray started working at his favorite store in the mall, a small video game retailer that luckily also sold Gerard’s main life source: comic books. In fact, Gerard was heading there after the school day was finally over, if he ever even got that far.  
Lindsey was still trying to grade her freshman class’ watercolor projects when Gerard walked back in, lunch in tow. She was grimacing painfully when she called him over to the table where she had spread them out.  
“They’re just… not getting it, are they?” she sighed.  
Gerard reached over and turned one sideways a couple of times. “This isn’t horrible, but I assume it’s not supposed to be depicting a zombie scene?”  
“Try self-portraits,” Lindsey shook her head and started filling out her grade book.  
Gerard sat down at the next table where his charcoals were still splayed out. He pushed them aside gingerly and dumped out his paper bag lunch. He started in on his tuna sandwich and pondered over his project. He made changes here and there in his head and, once he was done eating, he drew them out with his hands. He was so engrossed that he jumped a bit when the bell rang. He looked up and Lindsey had finished her grading and was sitting at her desk.  
“You need to go to your next class, I can’t let you stay here in good conscience,” she said, almost apologetically. She knew Gerard was bullied. It was part of the reason they were so close, she had taken an interest in Gerard when he had proven himself to be an excellent art student and then Gerard had confided in her. Even if he hadn’t told her, though, she would have been able to figure as much. Happy kids don’t usually hide out in a classroom with a teacher for company. She gave him as much solace as she could, though, and he thanked her for that.  
Gerard gathered his paper and supplies up and put them in his drawer, throwing his lunch remains away on the way out the door. Just three more classes until this day was over.  
=====  
Frank was supposed to go over to Bob’s house after school, but he had told him his mom wanted him home right away. It wasn’t technically untrue, she would have liked him to come home, it just wasn’t Frank’s plan to do that. Instead he walked a couple of blocks over to the mall to visit the music shop. He’s had his eye on a new guitar for quite a few weeks now. He was really close to enough money to buy it and he figured with his birthday next week he’d finally be able to get it. He’d even told his mom how good it would look to colleges if he would be able to participate in their music programs, so she was on board with him buying it. He thought there could possibly be some truth in his statement, but again, he wasn’t too concerned what potential admissions offices really thought about him.  
Once inside the shop he immediately grabbed the white guitar off the shelf and started strumming with a natural talent. The owner knew him well enough now, he didn’t even give him a second glance. Frank lost himself in the guitar for a while. When he happened to look up from the strings, he saw the mysterious guy from his English class peering at him. Without really thinking, Frank put the guitar back on the wall, waved at the shop owner, and made his way over to his classmate.  
=====  
Gerard was leaning against the counter and had been talking to Ray. Some customers had come in looking for game recommendations and Ray was over in an aisle helping them now. Gerard stared across at the neighboring store, a music shop. Near the guitar wall, there was a kid playing passionately, Gerard had seen him there before, he thought. He could tell he was wearing a uniform just like Gerard’s but he couldn’t recognize him from this angle and distance. Gerard was squinting, trying to make out who he was, when the kid looked up and right at Gerard. Gerard glanced down quickly, but when he looked up again, the guy was walking right towards him. Frank, the one from earlier, Gerard remembered. His stomach felt a little sick and he hoped he wasn’t coming over here to yell at Gerard for staring. He could put up with it, but it might be bad for business for Ray.  
“Hey,” Frank said when he reached Gerard.  
Gerard didn’t exactly know what to say. Once again, Frank seemed more interested than angry or anything else. “Hi, uh, I don’t work here,” he thought Frank might want some help finding something. After all, what else could he want from Gerard? “Ray, over there, he can help you.”  
“Oh, no, I’m not looking for anything really. I’m Frank. Don’t we have English together?” Frank reached out to shake Gerard’s hand. Gerard cautiously took it.  
“Uh, I’m Gerard. Yeah, I don’t really go too often, but yeah,” Gerard replied, not sure where this was going.  
“Oh, I uh, just thought I recognized you, so,” Frank trailed off, making it clear he didn’t really know where it was going either.  
“Who’s your friend?” Ray walked back behind the counter next to the boys. He was raising his eyebrows at Gerard, fully aware that Gerard didn’t really have what one would call friends at school.  
Before Gerard could figure out if he should correct Ray in his usage of the word friend, Frank introduced himself to Ray, then, glancing down at the counter to the comic Ray and Gerard had been absently flipping through, exclaimed, “Oh, hey, Doom Patrol, I love this one!”  
“You’re into comics?” Gerard asked.  
“Totally,” Frank said, his eyes lighting up.  
“Guitar, too, huh?” Ray added.  
“Oh, uh, yeah, you saw that, huh? Guilty pleasure, I guess,” Frank seemed to brush it off.  
“Sounded like more than that, to me,” Ray smiled. “Gerard tried to learn, didn’t you?” Gerard went a little paler than he already was, if possible, at this. Ray just continued on, “More of a singer, though, right Gerard?”  
“Oh, dude, you sing? That’s awesome. I’d love to hear some time,” Frank seemed delighted.  
Gerard felt like the conversation was developing a little too quickly for his liking. He didn’t even know this kid, and he still didn’t believe he wasn’t just like every other person at his school: only interested in Gerard for entertainment value.  
“Yeah you guys should get together, jam out, you know. Gerard would love to,” Ray again answered for Gerard.  
“Would I?” Gerard glared at Ray. Both Ray and Frank seemed to miss it.  
“Awesome,” Frank smiled. He and Ray went on to talk about guitar a while longer. Ray, it turned out, was a pretty avid player himself. Gerard just sort of nodded along with the two.  
Frank checked his phone after a while and looked to Gerard. “Listen, I have to get home, but, uh here’s my number. We should hang out sometime,” he said to Gerard, writing his phone number on the back of one of the shop’s business cards. He handed it over to Gerard, who still felt sort of lost, to say the least. “I’ll see you later,” he smiled and with that Frank was headed out the door.  
“Uh, what was that?” Gerard questioned Ray once Frank was out of earshot.  
“What? You need some friends! And yes, you have me, but you should have more than one,” Ray said, clearly feeling justified in practically signing Gerard up on a playdate.  
“I have Mikey, too!” Gerard defended.  
“Excuse me, you should have more than two, then,” Ray rolled his eyes. “He seemed like a nice guy, anyway.”  
“Yeah, lots of people seem nice. Doesn’t mean they are.”  
“Why don’t you give him a chance? You might be surprised,” Ray said in an alarmingly parental tone.  
“Doubt it,” Gerard said, and he really did. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious about Frank.


	2. Chapter 2

Frank was lost in thought on his way home. He was worried he had scared Gerard off by being so forward. He wasn’t exactly sure why he had been, either. Sure, there was the obvious. He found Gerard to be pretty attractive. He didn’t act on those impulses typically, though. Frank was supposed to be straight. He wasn’t, and for the past few years he’d been able to admit it to himself finally, after knowing for most his life. But his friends, much less his parents, would be… less than accepting.   
It seemed he and Gerard had a lot of common interests, he reasoned. Yes, I was just trying to make a friend with some common interests, if anyone asks. He willed himself to believe that was truly his only interest in Gerard.   
Once he was home, he was greeted by his mom, who was preparing dinner. She asked him how his day was, what he learned, the basic motherly questions. Then something else. “I was thinking you could invite your girlfriend over for dinner, Frank. Your father and I would love to finally put a face to her,” she beamed.   
“Girlfriend?” Frank questioned while focusing more on his phone than his mother.  
“Well yes, you said you were seeing someone, Frankie?” she furrowed her brows at her son.  
“Oh, girlfriend, right!” Frank snapped out of it, trying to hide his mistake. “Yeah, Jamia, she’s just out of town, visiting her aunt. She’s in the hospital, her aunt is. So, I just don’t know when she’ll be back.”  
“Oh, that’s too bad. Let her know that we will keep her aunt in our prayers,” his mother smiled, satisfied.  
Jamia was out of town visiting her aunt. And she was a girl, and technically Frank’s friend, so he didn’t feel too awful. Yet it seemed like he was continuously lying to everyone. He didn’t even have to really try anymore. He was certainly lying to Jamia above all. He made it seem like he really liked her. He went to parties with her, texted her semi-frequently, and messed around with her occasionally, though he didn’t truly enjoy it. It was all to keep up appearances with his friends, and here he was, using her name to placate his parents. Anything so they didn’t know the truth.  
He went up to his room so he didn’t have to look at his mom and feel guilty. The worst part was she would probably accept him if he came out as gay to her. It’s his dad who he had to worry about. His father was a firm believer in a good reputation. He went to church, said the right things to the right people, and kept to himself unless entirely appropriate. All this aside, Frank had considered telling him anyway, figuring he would get over the blow to his perfect Catholic image, until he had heard his parents talking late one night. They were arguing because his dad felt he was spending too much time on his music and not enough time in church. Meaning not enough time awake in church. His mother argued he should continue in his music so he could have a nice hobby to help him relax when school was too much. His father relented, saying he guessed he was just glad he didn’t have a fag son like the Howes at church. Frank had cried himself to sleep that night. Normally his father didn’t get under his skin, but this time was too much.   
A text from Bob brought him out of his sulking. It was a picture of their friend Joey covered in what was possibly nacho cheese. Frank smiled a bit, almost wishing he had gone over to Bob’s. He hadn’t really seen the rest of his friend group since school started, almost two months ago, since he had been getting more serious with music. His excuse was that his parents were cracking down on him with school, with him being closer to graduating. Bob knew a bit more about his hobby, but not the whole picture. It was just easier to keep people at a distance. Less lies, less chance of people finding out the true him, being disappointed.  
Frank felt already like he could open up to Gerard, though, without worry. He felt like Gerard would just get him. He wondered if Gerard would text him. Maybe he should have asked for his number instead. He shook his head, reminding himself he barely knew the guy. Why was he obsessing over this already? Oh, that’s right, he thought, when he pictured Gerard’s face in his mind. His eyes. His secretive smile. He knew he was a good guy, someone to trust. He could see it on his face.   
=====  
Gerard, on the other hand, wasn’t so convinced about Frank. Later that night, he and Mikey sat in Gerard’s room. They were sharing some vodka Mikey had gotten, Mikey preparing to go out with his friends, Gerard preparing to start a Star Wars marathon. Mikey had been talking about some kids at school when he realized Gerard was lost in thought, fidgeting with a small paper rectangle.   
“Ray said a friend of yours stopped by the shop to see you today,” Mikey tried to get Gerard’s attention.  
It worked. Gerard’s eyes snapped up. “Not how I remember it. Just some customer we were talking to,” Gerard settled on, not sure how to explain Frank.  
“So that isn’t his number you’re playing with?” Mikey gave his brother a knowing look.  
“I almost wish you and Ray weren’t friends,” Gerard started, trying and failing to shove the business card back in his pocket before Mikey got to it.   
“You should call him,” Mikey said, glancing at the card before giving it back to Gerard. “Ray said Frank was his name. Frank Iero?”  
“Yeah, I think so,” Gerard said. He wasn’t entirely sure, honestly.   
“He’s a year above me, a junior. He seems pretty nice. Used to go out to a lot of parties. He kind of keeps to himself nowadays. Maybe he could use a friend,” Mikey nudged Gerard. “Or a boyfriend.”  
Gerard kicked at Mikey. “That’s not the case for so many reasons.”  
“Then what is the case?” Mikey questioned.  
“I don’t know,” Gerard admitted.  
“Maybe you should figure it out, then.”  
=====  
Bob had called Frank at around ten, letting him know they were all going to some girl’s party, and why hadn’t Frank even been to a party this school year yet, and before Frank knew it, they were coming to pick him up and he was opening his window to crawl out, silently thanking his parents for their early bedtime routine. Frank didn’t know if he was going because he wanted to and he missed his friends, because he felt guilty or because he wanted a distraction from his thoughts. He guessed it didn’t really matter what the reason was in the end; he was going.  
Bob and the three other guys, Joey, Devin, and Alex met him a half block after his house. Everyone greeted him enthusiastically if not a bit drunkenly. Frank surprisingly felt happy in the moment, hanging out with his friends, relaxed. They traded a couple of stories and laughed with each other and Frank felt free from thought, from life, from anything but this very second. He caught his reflection in the rear-view mirror and he looked content, if not carefree. He smiled.   
Once they were at the party, his good mood just increased, likely due to the cheap vodka in his red cup. He lost his friends rather quickly in the crowd; there was a huge turnout. An hour and a half later, he was finishing his drink. He couldn’t remember what number drink it was, though. He was looking for a bathroom or something that would work as a bathroom. He couldn’t find one unoccupied on the first floor, so he stumbled his way up the staircase. Finally, he found one and quickly locked himself inside. He stayed in a bit longer than he needed, splashing water on his face and telling himself aloud that he definitely wasn’t drunk, though he couldn’t get through it without a giggle. He decided to go down and find his friends. They were the reason he came, after all.  
He stepped out of the bathroom and right into Mikey Way. Mikey had his arm around a girl Frank didn’t recognize. Frank apologized and was going to leave them be, but Mikey told him to wait up. He said something to the girl and turned to follow Frank down the stairs. “Can I talk to you a second?”  
“Yeah, what’s up?” Frank smiled, a bit confused. He knew Mikey, but not well. He wasn’t sure what he wanted with him.  
“So, you know my brother, Gerard,” Mikey said instead of asked. Frank stopped and turned to look at Mikey.  
“Gerard’s your brother? Huh,” Frank said, trying to process the information.  
“Yeah, I guess I just want to make sure you have... good intentions,” Mikey finished.  
Frank didn’t like the way Mikey was staring him down so seriously. It made his skin feel itchy and tight. What was he trying to say? “I don’t have ‘intentions’ with him. I’m not like gay for him,” Frank defended and it came out harsher than he meant, though he didn’t really mean to say it at all.   
Mikey frowned. Apparently that really wasn’t the right thing to say. “No one said you were. Just, be nice to him, okay? He’s had it hard enough,” Mikey said, and walked the rest of the way down the stairs.   
Frank tried to shrug off the conversation. He decided he really needed a drink. He made his way down to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, taking a long sip. He didn’t like the taste, but it didn’t matter at this point anyway. He finished off the beer in a couple more gulps and decided he would hold off on another drink for right now and went to find his friends.  
No luck on the first floor so he went downstairs to the basement. He saw them almost immediately. They were talking, huddled together next to some people playing videogames. He jogged over to them as well as he could. When they saw him though, they all stopped talking and regarded him with worried looks.   
“What’s this about you hanging out with Gerard?” Alex questioned him.   
“What?” Frank said, caught off guard.  
“I heard you talking to Mikey on the stairs,” Joey said, squinting at Frank like he might do something crazy or already had.  
“Well, I talked to Gerard for a bit earlier,” Frank started, feeling very inexplicably nervous, “but it was no big deal. Why does it matter?”  
“He’s super weird,” Devin jumped in. “He talks to himself and never comes to class.”  
“But never gets in trouble,” Joey added. “A lot of freshmen and sophomores kick him around and he never does anything about it.” Maybe that was why Gerard seemed so leery of Frank, and why Mikey had been so concerned of Frank’s “intentions” with him.   
“I think,” Bob stepped up, “what everyone is trying to say is we’re a bit upset that you seem to be neglecting us and hanging out with new… different people.”   
“No, I just don’t think Frank should be hanging out with a homo!” Joey laughed.  
“What?” Frank was taken aback. He’d never known his friends to be homophobic per say. At least not out loud.  
“Dude, he’s totally gay. That’s why the guys mess with him. They just don’t want to be raped,” Alex snickered. Frank wasn’t sure if he felt angry or sick or both.  
Bob must have sensed Frank wasn’t okay with where the conversation was headed, but didn’t really know why or what to do about it. “Well, it doesn’t matter, just don’t forget your friends, okay Frank?” He patted Frank on the shoulder. “But we’d better head out, it’s close to 12:30.”  
“How is it fair our social lives have to suffer because of your curfew?” Devin groaned.  
“Get your own car and they won’t have to!” Bob rolled his eyes and led his friends upstairs. Frank, for one, was glad to be going home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just an FYI Gerard is supposed to be 18, Frank turning 17.

Gerard woke up late the next day, Saturday, around 1:00 pm, which was to be expected when you consider he didn’t get to bed until 6:00 am. He’d watched a couple of his movies while he waited up for Mikey to come home. When Mikey did finally get home, they’d stayed up together talking. Gerard had asked Mikey if he saw Frank at the party. Mikey got sort of quiet, saying that he might have seen him there, but wasn’t sure. Gerard wondered why he suddenly didn’t have anything to say on the topic, but he shrugged it off.  
Gerard had thought about texting Frank the whole night, but when it came down to it, he was too nervous, or anxious, or scared that Frank would turn out to be exactly who he didn’t want him to be, just like every other guy at school. In Gerard’s dreams, though, he was perfectly justified in talking to Frank, which he did. If he was honest, he did a bit more than talk to Frank. He’d woken up with a blush, looking around as if someone were there, spying in on his dreams.  
It kept Frank on his mind all the next day, though. He hadn’t really thought about how he looked before then. He’d noticed, definitely, but wouldn’t let his mind linger on it. Now, he either didn’t see any harm in it or wasn’t able to keep his mind clear of it. Frank was a couple of inches shorter than him, but Frank’s height suited him. He had personality enough to make up for it. He had short black hair, except for his bangs, which were a bit too long and swept to the side. Gerard thought it framed his face well, but was a bit tame for him. He wondered if Frank would grow it out longer once he was out of school. He also wondered what Frank wore outside of class. The uniform certainly looked good on his slim figure, but Frank didn’t seem entirely comfortable in it. The only thing that looked like it belonged on Frank were his Converse, which didn’t quite meet the dress code for black dress shoes, but he somehow got away with it.  
Gerard was thinking about Frank while he was doodling. Almost without noticing what he was doing, he started to sketch Frank. He had a great jawline, really just a great face to draw in general. It was the type of face you didn’t get tired of drawing, even after a hundred times. God, Gerard thought suddenly, did I honestly just think that? He tried to shake himself out of this. He couldn’t actually fall for Frank. No way in hell would that work. “Fuck,” he sighed to himself.  
He started to whip pillows and blankets around his bed, knocking his sketch book and pencils off, trying to find his cell phone. Finally, he found it underneath his sheets, which hadn’t been properly on the bed since the last time his mom changed them.  
Gerard figured the best cure for a crush was reality. The reality of who Frank really was.  
_hey, is this frank, it’s gerard_  
He wasn’t expecting a reply so he set his phone back down on the bed while he rummaged through the laundry on the floor to find something clean to pull on. He was out of cigarettes, so he had to make a quick run. However, before he could decide if his Misfits tee was wearable, his phone went off.  
_Yeah! How’s it going??_  
That was fast. Now what? Did he keep texting him? Until he gets bored of me, Gerard thought, or does something mean.  
_uh alrighht. you?_  
Again, the reply was fast. Gerard tried not to smile at Frank’s eagerness, but he couldn’t deny the butterflies he felt.  
_In need of a smoke, lol!_  
Frank followed it with a winking emoji. Gerard wasn’t sure how to take that. He decided not to think about it… for now.  
_same, going 2 the store rn for some_  
 _Mind if I tag along? Don’t mean to be a creep, but we live pretty close to each other._  
Gerard nearly dropped his phone. He waited a full three minutes before texting back.  
_you know where I live?_  
This time Frank’s text didn’t come for a few minutes.  
_Yeah, I know your brother a little. Still ok if I come?_  
_yes, meet me at my house then whenever_  
He probably should have said no, but he couldn’t help really wanting to see Frank. Time would tell if it was a mistake or not.  
Gerard figured the Misfits tee would do just fine. Finding some pants proved to be a bit more difficult. He usually just borrowed Mikey’s when he didn’t have any clean. However, the size difference between Mikey and him was becoming more evident as of recently and Gerard didn’t want to meet Frank in ill-fitting pants. Eventually he found a light denim pair that smelled fresh. They weren’t his style at all but they didn’t smell like a locker room, and he figured that was worth something.  
“Gerard! Your friend’s here!” his mom, Donna, called from upstairs. Frank wasn’t lying, Gerard noted, he did live close-by. Gerard started up the stairs. He didn’t want to seem too excited, but he also knew his mom could be a bit overbearing to guests.  
As though to prove his point, when he got upstairs, his mom was showing Frank around the house, asking him how he knew Gerard, and what grade was he in?  
“I’m a junior, I go to Our Lady with Gerard,” Frank was smiling charmingly, completely unaffected by Donna’s interrogation/tour.  
“Is Gerard… doing okay in school?” Donna asked, dropping her voice down.  
“Hey Frank,” Gerard made himself known.  
Donna acted as though she hadn’t just been gossiping about her son. “Hey, honey! Frank said you two were going to the store? Could you pick me up a few things for dinner?” she smiled as she grabbed her purse, fishing out some dollar bills.  
“Just to the corner mart,” Gerard said, growing impatient. This was becoming awkward. He glanced at Frank, who smiled at him comfortably, as if saying ‘mothers’.  
“That’s all right, I just need another loaf of bread and some milk. Frank you’re welcome to stay for dinner, we’re having spaghetti,” Donna offered, handing Gerard the money.  
“We, uh, have other plans, actually,” Gerard said quickly before Frank could agree. He slipped on his shoes and jacket and pulled Frank out the door with him. “Bye, ma.”  
“We have other plans, huh?” Frank smiled once they were both outside. Shit, Gerard thought. Shit because why did he say that and shit because Frank’s smile.  
Frank must have noticed Gerard go a little pale, because he leaned over and nudged Gerard with his elbow, “Cool with me.”  
That definitely didn’t help Gerard calm down.  
The boys walked in silence together for a couple of blocks to the small store attached to the gas station. Gerard thought he’d feel weird hanging out with Frank, but he didn’t. He was a little nervous, naturally, but the silence wasn’t unpleasant. When they got to the parking lot, Frank said he was going to call his mom to let her know he’d be a little later than he had said.  
Once Gerard was inside, he got his mom’s groceries and waited in line to pay and get cigarettes. When Gerard reached in his pocket to get his wallet out he noticed he didn’t bring his phone with him. When he dropped off his mom’s things, he’d have to grab it from his room.  
Gerard paid for his things and went out find Frank. He was sitting on the curb in the front of the store. Gerard sat down next to him and opened his Marlboro’s, taking one out and lighting it. He started to get Frank one form the pack, but before he could, Frank had reached over and grabbed Gerard’s from in between his lips. Gerard blushed and started to light himself a second one, trying to focus intensely on the process so he wouldn’t focus on whatever just happened.  
Things weren’t going exactly as he planned, but Gerard wasn’t exactly complaining. He’d assumed Frank would either ignore him or worse, play around with him, trick him into thinking they were friends, then be waiting with his friends to give Gerard the beating of a lifetime. It wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before. Gerard was smarter now, though, so what was he doing here with this stranger? Something about Frank just spoke to Gerard. He was genuine.  
=====  
Frank took a few more drags of his cigarette then snubbed it out on the pavement. He was enjoying himself with Gerard but he wasn’t too eager to stay here with him. Joey lived nearby and Frank knew he frequented this place. He wasn’t ashamed of being with Gerard at all, but he didn’t feel ready to deal with his friends or any other accusations right now. Besides what if word got around to his parents that he was hanging out with the neighborhood gay kid? That would go well, he was sure.  
He stood up and offered Gerard his hand, helping him to his feet. The two started the short walk back to Gerard’s house. Gerard handed Frank the shopping bag and lit himself another cigarette. Frank didn’t try to grab this one.  
“So, what’s next on the agenda? It’s,” Frank paused to check his phone, “almost 4:00.”  
“I, uh, didn’t actually have any sort of plan,” Gerard admitted. “Is there anything you’d like to do?”  
“We could go over to my house, since you don’t want to stay at yours,” Frank offered with a smile. “I can play for you, if you wanted. I don’t really get to play my guitar in front of anyone but the guy at the music store.”  
Gerard agreed that sounded like a good idea.  
“I don’t know if you saw when you were ogling me,” Frank paused to appreciate Gerard’s blush, “but I was playing this sick Les Paul at the store yesterday. I’m saving up to buy it. I actually almost have enough. I think with what I get from my parents and family for my birthday next week I’ll be good to go, with some left over, maybe for some new equipment,” Frank gushed. He was happy to have someone to talk to about this stuff, honestly.  
“What day is your birthday?” Gerard asked.  
“Halloween,” Frank said almost gloatingly. He thought Gerard would be impressed with that, as though Frank had picked the day for himself.  
“Oh my god, that’s so cool!” Gerard exclaimed. Frank smiled to himself.  
“It so is.”  
=====  
After a few more minutes, the boys came up to Gerard’s house.  
“I’m just going to give this stuff to my mom, then grab my phone,” Gerard ran inside alone. He did not want Frank to have another interaction with his mom right away. If anything would ruin their friendship, that would be it.  
Gerard gave his mom her change and groceries and headed downstairs to his room. He flipped on the lights and found he wasn’t alone.  
“What the fuck, you scared me!” he glared at his brother, Mikey.  
“You left your phone,” Mikey said, standing up from the bed and reaching it out to Gerard. Gerard walked up to his younger brother, feeling nervous because of his serious tone. “Mom said you were out with Frank.”  
“Yeah, I thought you wanted me to talk with him,” Gerard took his phone and put it in his pocket.  
“Just, be careful, okay? Where are you two going? Do you want me to come with?” Mikey looked really worried.  
“No, I’m fine. We’re just going to Frank’s house. He’s going to play guitar for me,” Gerard felt uneasy with how the conversation was going. Why was Mikey so worried about him and Frank all of a sudden?  
“All right, well text me if you want me to stop by, okay?” Mikey gave Gerard a quick hug and went upstairs. Gerard just shrugged and followed him up a moment later. He met Frank outside his front door.  
“Ready?” Frank smiled.  
“Yeah,” Gerard smiled back.


	4. Chapter 4

Frank’s house truly was just a short walk from Gerard’s house, which proved to be a bit inconvenient for Frank that day. He was trying to tell Gerard what his parents were like without scaring or shaming him. He felt like he needed hours instead of minutes to convey it correctly. Gerard dressed pretty normally, which Frank knew his parents would appreciate, but he had bags under his eyes that showed sleepless nights and a hint of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath which showed bad choices. Frank didn’t think his parents could reasonably throw a fit about that, as all his other friends had similar qualities. But if Gerard was truly gay, Frank knew his parents would disapprove.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go to my house,” Frank started. He could see Gerard’s feelings were hurt. Gerard slowed his pace a bit and Frank matched him.

“Why? Do you not want to hang out?”

“No, I mean, yes, I do! It’s not that at all, it’s just… my parents,” Frank tried to get Gerard to understand with a meaningful stare.

“What’s up with them? Are they mean to you?” Gerard looked worried for his friend and stopped walking entirely.

Frank didn’t want to stand still a block away from his house, though, so he grabbed Gerard’s hand and turned left, leading him down a different street.

“No, not exactly. They’re just… You know how your mom was so nice to me? My parents aren’t like that. They’re really ‘fussy’ about who I hang out and what I do. I’m just worried, you know, that they won’t like you.”

“Why not?” Gerard was talking to Frank, but his eyes were on their hands twisted together instead of on Frank’s face.

“You’re different,” Frank smiled at Gerard and Gerard met his eyes finally. Frank knew the words could be taken the wrong way, but he didn’t mean them harshly. Gerard really was different. He was everything Frank wanted and everything he wanted to be. He just seemed so at peace with who he was, even though no one else liked him for it.

“We don’t seem so different,” Gerard said back to Frank.

“Maybe not,” Frank said, but he dropped Gerard’s hand. He was feeling nervous, but he wasn’t sure what about. “C’mon, this way.”

“You live down here?”

“No, we’ll go to my house, just not yet, okay? I want to show you something.”

Frank led Gerard without purpose for a couple of blocks, just trying to get out of their neighborhood. He did want to take him home and play for him, but he hadn’t built up the nerve quite yet. After another fifteen minutes of walking, Frank knew where he wanted to take Gerard. He took another turn with Gerard right behind him and the two came onto a break in the houses with a little park nestled in front of some woods.

“I totally didn’t know this was here,” Gerard said, surprised.

“Yeah, my mom and dad used to take me here to play when I was really little. It used to be a lot nicer then. Older kids started to come and do, uh, questionable things, though, and people stopped taking their kids here, and it was sort of forgotten. I still come here every once in a while, when I want to be alone. I thought you might appreciate it,” Frank looked at Gerard to gauge his reaction.

Gerard was walking around the broken playground equipment, touching things occasionally. “I’d like to draw here, I think. It’s got this weird apocalyptic vibe to it- I like it. Thanks for showing me,” he smiled.

“That’s not even the coolest part. You’re not afraid of this massive forest, are you?” Frank joked.

“This square acre of trees? Nah, I know you’ll protect me,” Gerard laughed.

“So, you draw, huh?” Frank asked as he and Gerard started walking through the woods.

“A little,” Gerard admitted with a blush, which Frank did not fail to notice.

“Maybe you could show me sometime? I am going to bare my soul for you with my guitar, so I think it’s the least you could do,” Frank chuckled.

“Maybe,” Gerard said.

Frank and Gerard made their way to a wooden gazebo in the center of the small forest. It was remarkably beautiful in the dim light of the forest, with the sun starting to go down behind the outline of the branches. The wood was stained with a dark cherry tint and the window openings were protected with a screen.

“I always thought I’d string up some lights and lay down some pillows, and maybe bring a girl here,” Frank admitted.

“You haven’t yet?” Gerard looked at Frank.

“’No,” Frank shook his head. He almost wished he had decorated the place before he brought Gerard there, but that thought was pushed out of his head when his phone went off. “Sorry,” he said when he checked it, “I have to take this quick. It’s my friend Jamia.”

=====

Gerard watched Frank step away from the gazebo and answer the call in a whisper tone. He decided to open the door and wait inside the structure. He propped himself up on the long wooden bench that circled the inside. He thought it _would_ look nice with some lanterns hanging. He thought there were some leftover from the summer in his garage.

Frank swung the door open and joined Gerard on the bench. “Sorry about that. She just got back in town, wanted to see me tonight. I told her I was busy, don’t worry.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Gerard didn’t know anything about Frank’s sexuality and, maybe he was just being nice, but it seemed like Frank had been flirting with Gerard.

“My parents think she is,” Frank said. Gerard wondered what that meant. “I mean, she probably thinks she is, too. I’ve never asked her to be or anything, though.”

“But you two are, uh… intimate?” Gerard questioned.

“You could say that,” Frank shrugged.

Gerard noted he didn’t seem too happy with the relationship. He wondered why stay with her if Frank didn’t like her? Did Frank even like girls? He didn’t really know if Frank was acting differently with him, because he hadn’t seen Frank around his other friends. He thought he’d ask Mikey when he got home.

“Why don’t we go to my house? I’m kind of hungry,” Frank said and stood up to leave.

“Sure, me too,” Gerard followed Frank out of the gazebo.

Frank seemed a bit detached on the walk home, Gerard thought. “Are you all right?” He asked Frank.

“I’m fine,” Frank smiled. “Just a little cold,” He lifted up his arm, shivering. “I should have worn something a little longer. I didn’t plan to be out so long.” He pushed himself against Gerard’s side. “That’s better,” he giggled and batted his eyes.

Gerard didn’t move away and the two walked pressed up against each other all the way to Frank’s house. Gerard was deep in thought and again they fell into a comfortable silence. Gerard decided Frank must be straight, and, even if he wasn’t, why should that matter? He wasn’t interested in Gerard, he had an almost-girlfriend. Frank just wanted to be his friend, and Frank was turning out to be really cool. Gerard willed himself not to mess it up with any feelings.

Eventually, Frank broke the silence. “So, why don’t you come to class?”

“Sometimes, I do,” Gerard replied thoughtfully. “I’m usually up in the art room with Lindsey.”

“Lindsey?” Frank asked, confused.

“Mrs. Ballato. She writes me passes for my other classes a lot. I guess under the guise I’m helping her or finishing up some project. Usually I’m just doing my own thing, though.” Gerard explained, hoping Frank didn’t think it was too weird.

“Why?” Frank just seemed curious.

“Well, this may be a shock to you,” Gerard chuckled a bit to make light of the situation, “but I’m not exactly the most popular student. I’d say quite the opposite, actually.”

“Dude, I don’t get it, though. You’re super cool,” Frank smiled at Gerard.

“I think that’s a bit of an unpopular opinion.” Gerard smiled back. “But thanks anyway. It’s actually okay, it works out in the end. I want to get into an art school and spending a lot of time with Lindsey gives me an opportunity to build up some type of profile to show colleges.”

“That’s awesome. Sounds like you do draw more than just a little,” Frank winked.

“I guess so. Is this your house?” The two had stopped in front of a small well-kept gray house. Frank nodded and led Gerard through the front gate.

“Follow my lead with my parents, okay?” Frank looked worriedly at Gerard and pushed the door open.

“Is that you, Frank?” Gerard heard a woman’s voice call out.

“Yes, mom!” Frank answered from the doorway.

“You missed dinner, Frankie. I put a plate for you in the fridge.” Frank’s mom was talking from what seemed to be the living room, with her back to the boys.

“Okay, thanks, mom! I’ll be in my room studying,” Frank pulled Gerard quietly through the kitchen, stopped to grab some pretzels and soda, and motioned for Gerard to follow him down the hallway. Before taking the door on their right, Gerard looked across the hall to an open door on their left. It appeared to be an office and there was a man, Frank’s dad, probably, sitting in a chair towards a computer. He wasn’t doing anything with his computer though; he appeared to be reading the bible.

The door they had taken led first through a laundry room and then to another door. Frank opened this one onto what was definitely his room. Once they were both inside safely, Frank smiled and said, “Well, that went surprisingly well!”

Gerard laughed, “Sure, considering I didn’t actually meet them. I guess they’re pretty religious, huh? I saw your dad reading the bible, I think.”

Gerard saw Frank start to laugh before he even made a sound. “Oh, that bible? That’s his special bible. He told both mom and me that we weren’t allowed to touch it, that it was the one he used when God or whatever wanted to reveal something to him. I was doing a project for school last year and I couldn’t find my bible, so I went to use his when he was at work. I started flipping through it to find the chapter I needed and lo and behold, he had cutouts from porno magazines stuck in between pages!” Gerard started laughing right along with Frank, trying to keep it down, though, so he wouldn’t be discovered.

“It wasn’t even Christian-approved porn, like missionary-style or something, either. We’re talking leather and whips, the works. I still can’t look him in the eye,” Frank added, still giggling. He handed Gerard a coke and opened the bag of pretzels.

Gerard took a sip of his coke and watched as Frank started crawling under his bed. He emerged with a large flask. “Vodka,” he smiled to answer Gerard’s questioning gaze.

Frank took a sip and then handed it to Gerard. Gerard drank some and followed it with a gulp of coke. He still felt the cheap alcohol slide down his throat, burning all the way down. He looked over at Frank who was rifling through some DVDs.

“Was Jamia mad you didn’t want to see her tonight?” He asked, hoping he hadn’t crossed some line. Frank didn’t seem angry, though. Just sort of tired.

“No, she’s kind of used to me blowing her off,” Frank said thoughtfully.

“What a happy couple,” Gerard said sarcastically, taking another drink from Frank’s flask and handing it back to him. He didn’t mean to sound like a jerk, he just felt oddly… jealous, maybe? Exactly how he had hoped he wouldn’t feel.

“Not a couple,” Frank said sternly. It would have been more believable to Gerard if, at that very moment, there hadn’t been a knock on the window, causing Frank to look up and say, very quietly, “Speak of the devil."


	5. Chapter 5

Frank stood still for a minute before he walked over and unlatched his bedroom window.

“What are you doing here?” He asked Jamia, helping her through. Once inside, she leaned against the windowsill, rubbing her toe on the carpet.

“I wanted—needed to see you. My aunt just died for god’s sakes,” she seemed offended. Frank understood why, he really did. But he was with Gerard right now, and this was weird. He looked over at Gerard, who seemed even more uncomfortable than Frank was. Jamia seemed to finally notice Gerard, as well. “Oh, who are you?”

“This is Gerard. I told you I was with a friend,” Frank said before Gerard could jump in.

Jamia saw the flask, still in Frank’s hand, and helped herself to a sip. “Well, very nice to meet you, Gerard. I hope you don’t mind I stopped by. You’re entirely welcome to stay.”

Frank rolled his eyes at the way she was acting, as though it were her room, her boyfriend, her decision. “I’m really truly sorry about your aunt, Jamia, I really am. But I was going to come see you tomorrow. We were right in the middle of something,” Frank put his hand on her shoulder, trying to gently ask her to get out.

“Oh, no, it’s totally cool,” Gerard muttered, heading over to the window where Jamia was. He stuck his hand out for her to shake and said, “Sorry for your loss. I’ll talk to you later, Frank,” and with that he hopped out the open window before Frank even had a chance to say goodbye. He hoped Gerard would be able to find his way home all right—it was dark out now.

“He seems nice. Isn’t he the gay kid from school?” Jamia asked innocently.

“No. Yes. _Maybe_ ,” Frank sighed, sitting down on his bed. Jamia sat down next to him. He took the flask from her and finished it off in a few painful gulps.

“I’ve been gone for two weeks at least. I missed you! I didn’t mean to interrupt, Frankie,” Jamia said, sensing that Frank was still upset. Frank just scowled further; he hated when anyone called him ‘Frankie’. At least he was finally starting to feel the alcohol.

Jamia began to rub Frank’s shoulders. “Do you want me to go?” she asked quietly.

Frank didn’t have it in him to ask her to leave. “You can stay, it’s fine. I missed you too,” he said instead. He had missed her. She was easy to talk to and always encouraged Frank in the rare moments when he would open up to her. He didn’t miss this, though, he thought, as she ran her hands over his chest and back up to his shoulders. The worst part was that he thought she was probably only doing it because she thought he wanted her to. Frank almost pushed her off, almost said no, but he didn’t. She pulled Frank down onto his bed and sat on top of him and Frank didn’t say anything at all.

=====

                Gerard was having a little difficulty getting home. It wasn’t the alcohol or the dark, and he knew the way back home more or less. He was just having some trouble willing himself to move more than a few feet past Frank’s open window. He was perched against the corner of the house, ready to swiftly escape if anyone noticed him lingering. He had heard Jamia ask about him being gay and he wanted to hear Frank’s answer. It seemed like Frank really didn’t know if Gerard was or not. He was wondering if he should tell him when he heard the two sit on the bed. Their voices had dropped to hushed tones and Gerard took a step closer to listen. He’d like to say he started walking home when he realized what was going on between them, but he was more curious than ever now.

                It wasn’t until he heard a “Frankie, I’m cold!” and the sound of Frank standing up that he quickly moved around the corner of the house, waited for the slam of the window, and made a run for the street. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked home briskly.

                He wasn’t expecting Mikey to be home on a Saturday night but it seemed he was waiting for Gerard to get home. Gerard was rummaging in the kitchen for a snack—he hadn’t really gotten a chance to eat at Frank’s—when Mikey came up and stood behind him.

                “How was Frank’s?” Mikey asked, studying Gerard intently.

                “I wasn’t at his place very long,” Gerard admitted. He found some garlic bread leftover from dinner and a beer somehow forgotten in the back of the fridge. He started towards his room and Mikey followed.

                “Did you meet his parents, then?” Mikey asked as they were going down the stairs. “I heard they were pretty strict.”

                “I saw his parents, from behind anyway. He seemed really nervous about them meeting me. His dad seems like a mega hypocrite though, if you ask me,” Gerard said, plopping down on the bed and opening his beer. He flipped on the TV for some background noise. “Do you know Jamia?”

                “She’s a freshman, I think. I know she hangs around Frank a lot at parties,” Mikey offered.

                “Frank was sort of acting… weird, I thought,” Gerard said.

                “Was he mean to you?” Mikey said immediately.

                “No, more like the opposite. How does he act around his friends?” Gerard tried to act like he wasn’t dying for more information on Frank. He casually ate his garlic bread and pretended to watch an infomercial with unwavering interest.

                “I don’t know him well enough to say. Do you think he was flirting with you?” Mikey asked quietly.

                “I sort of thought that until Jamia showed up. She climbed through his window,” Gerard trailed off.

                “They could just be friends, you know,” Mikey said, taking a sip from Gerard’s beer.

                “That… doesn’t seem likely,” Gerard gave a sarcastic chuckle.

                “What, did they mess around in front of you? Gross!” Mikey laughed.

                “Not exactly,” Gerard said sheepishly.

                “What, you secretly watched them?! Ever grosser!” Mikey made a puking gesture.

                “I just listened to their conversation, that’s all! I left right after she got there. I just happened to hear a bit as I was on my way out,” Gerard tried to convince his brother.

                Mikey didn’t buy it at all. “Yeah, whatever, dude. I don’t even want to know,” he settled back into the bed and turned the TV up.

                “You think he’s definitely straight then?” Gerard asked, barely audible over the noise of the show playing.

                “Probably. I mean, either way, you can do better. Don’t settle,” Mikey said.

                “I’m not, Mikes. I’m not hanging out with Frank because I’m lonely or something. You know I’m not. Frank’s just a cool guy,” Gerard said and it was mostly true. He wouldn’t spend time with people just to not be alone. That didn’t mean he wasn’t lonely though. He really only had a couple of people to talk to and the only one close to his age was his own brother. Spending time with Frank was a refreshing break from being mostly alone.

                “All right. I’m always here for you if you do feel lonely, though. Or if something goes wrong. Just anything, I’m here,” Mikey said and curled against his brother.

                Gerard patted his arm and leaned his head on Mikey’s. “I know. Thanks. I’m here for you, too.”

=====

                Later that night, Frank was spread out in his bed, wishing he had alcohol, a new movie, Gerard, anything. Anything to keep his mind occupied. Anything to keep him away from his thoughts.

                He felt guilty and wrong and dirty. The whole time he had been with Jamia he had been thinking about Gerard. Everywhere he felt her lips, he pictured Gerard’s pale pink ones instead. Every time he touched her hair, he imagined grabbing Gerard’s too-long greasy black hair. When Jamia put her hands on his dick, he had leaned back, closed his eyes, and nearly moaned Gerard’s name. He sat up suddenly and told her he was feeling sick. He was, just not for the reason he gave.

                “I think I had too much to drink,” he had stuttered, clutching his stomach. She had instantly backed off him and grabbed his garbage can for him in case he threw up.

                She’d left him shortly after, saying she hoped he felt better and that she would see him in school on Monday. His mom had come in when he was alone, letting him know she was off to bed and to have a good night. Thankfully she didn’t kiss or hug him, she just shut off his lights and left.

                He’d stayed there in the dark for hours now, letting his thoughts build up and border on self-loathing. He was too mad at his friends to text them. The last thing he wanted to do was text Jamia. The only other option was to text Gerard.

                _Hey. Sorry about Jamia coming over._

                He wasn’t sure if maybe Gerard was mad and wouldn’t text back. He didn’t seem mad when he left, just sort of annoyed. After about fifteen minutes of waiting, he had given up on expecting a reply. He was about to turn his phone off when it vibrated.

_it’s k. have a good time?_

Frank didn’t have to think about his answer at all before he typed it out.

                _No. Wish you could have stayed._

Again, Gerard’s reply took a while.

                _you can break up with people you know?_

Frank sighed and texted back his reply.

                _Not when you aren’t dating in the first place._

_worth a shot_

Frank decided to ignore that. He just wasn’t ready. He couldn’t hurt Jamia more than he already was. Besides, Frank thought guiltily, his parents hadn’t even met her yet.

                _I was thinking maybe I could sit with you during lunch? Like in the art room maybe?_

Frank was starting to fall asleep before he got Gerard’s text back.

                _yeah, sounds good. see you monday_

Frank didn’t feel so horribly after reading that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is getting better as it goes along, thanks to anyone reading!

Sunday flew by for Frank. He spent most of the day in bed, sick. He’d caught some type of cold from being outside so long yesterday without a jacket. He knew he shouldn’t expose himself to the elements like that, but being with Gerard was worth a day in bed, he figured.

Monday morning when he woke up for school, he was still sick, but he decided to suck it up for a couple of reasons. First off, he was supposed to eat lunch with Gerard today and he couldn’t miss that. Secondly, he was planning to skip class on Friday, his birthday and he didn’t want to push it with his mom when she got two calls from the school secretary. So, he got out of bed, showered, poured himself some coffee in his travel mug and was out the door.    

School was quite a walk for him, but he would rather walk than take the bus. He wondered if Gerard walked to school. Maybe at lunch he would ask Gerard if he and Mikey would like to walk with Frank. That reminded Frank of what he had said to Mikey at the party, he’d totally forgotten about that. Had Mikey told Gerard what he said? Would Mikey even want him to hang out around Gerard after how he’d acted?

Speaking of appearances, he’d have to factor in that his friends would probably see Gerard and him together if they walked with each other. Would they just learn to accept it and move on? Frank didn’t think that was likely to happen.

When Frank got to school, he saw Joey sitting by the front doors. He waved to Frank and Frank jogged up to him.

“Hey, man. Listen, I’m sorry if we pissed you off at the party,” Joey shrugged. It was obviously hard for him to apologize. Frank was almost touched.

“Yeah, it’s okay, I guess. I’m sorry I was blowing you guys off for so long. I’ve just… had a lot on my mind, you know?” Frank explained as Joey stood up and walked inside with Frank.

“It’s cool. So, are we still going out for your birthday?” Joey smiled and bumped Frank’s shoulder with his.

“Yeah, totally,” Frank smiled back.

When it was time for English class, Frank was surprised to see Gerard sitting in his corner seat. Frank beamed at him over his shoulder as he was sitting down. Gerard smiled back and waved with his fingers. Class seemed to go especially slowly when Frank had Gerard to be distracted by just a few seats to the right. Gerard mostly doodle the whole class instead of paying attention, but when Mr. Jones passed back the tests from last week, Frank was almost certain he saw an A on the front of Gerard’s. He didn’t even remember Gerard being in class that day. So, he was smart and artistic, Frank thought.

When class was finally over, Frank stayed in his seat. Bob turned around to tell him to hurry up but Frank just held up his test and let the red letter D do the talking. “I’m going to stay behind and talk to Mr. Jones, see if I can get some extra credit work.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you later!” Bob said and was out the door.

Gerard had finished packing up his things at that point and walked over to Frank’s desk. “Still want to come and eat with me?” he looked at Frank curiously.

“Yeah, walk me to my locker?” Frank grinned back.

Gerard and Frank made their way down a floor so Frank could grab his lunch and then back up two floors to the art room. Lindsey smiled at them when they walked in.

“Hi Gerard. Who’s this?” She looked at Frank, clearly trying to place his face.

“I’m Frank Iero,” Frank introduced himself. “Is it all right if I eat in here with Gerard? I know I’m not an art student,” he trailed off.

“Sure, it’s absolutely fine,” Lindsey smiled again. “You know I have a beginner’s class next semester, if you are interested in becoming an art student.”

“Frank’s more into music than drawing,” Gerard explained, setting his things down on the table and then pulling a chair out for Frank.

“Oh! What do you play?” Lindsey asked enthusiastically.

“Just guitar for now,” Frank said.

“He told me he was going to play for me, but he’s been putting it off, it seems,” Frank saw Gerard roll his eyes to Lindsey.

“When the opportunity arises, I’ll play!” Frank told his friend, putting his palms up in defense.

“I might be able to help with that, actually,” Lindsey volunteered. “I don’t know what you’re used to playing, Frank, but this might do for today, huh?” She handed Frank an old acoustic guitar. “It’s tuned. I practice sometimes between classes.”

“I don’t know…” Frank tried to think of an excuse.

“Please, Frankie?” Gerard begged. Frank was fairly sure he was poking fun at the pet name, but for once Frank didn’t mind hearing it.

“Okay,” Frank relented, dragging out the word. He started strumming the strings, playing nonsense to warm up.

“What will you be performing for me today, sir?” Gerard giggled.

“How about something I wrote?” Frank asked nervously, his eyes darting up to meet Gerard’s.

“It would be an honor to listen to,” Gerard said, smiling.

With that, Frank started to play seriously this time. His fingers stretched and grasped the guitar intricately and he was surprised how well the guitar sounded. He nearly lost himself in it all but when his cue came he began to sing along with his music.

“I turned to you. You turned away,” his voice was unique and enticing. “From everything that I’d never say.”

He almost messed up when Gerard started to hum along and then harmonize with him. Their voices worked so well together, Frank was nearly blown away. It took everything he had to keep playing the right chords. Gerard just seemed to know what the words were, and if he didn’t, he improvised so well that everything made sense. When the song tapered to an end, Lindsey was clapping and both boys were grinning ear to ear.

Frank looked at Gerard, with his unkempt hair and long lashes and silly grin. “You are incredible,” he whispered.

“You are, too,” Gerard said back to him.

Without thinking at all, Frank leaned in close to Gerard and kissed his lips. For an entire three seconds Frank was in heaven, he was experiencing absolute bliss. Nothing mattered but Gerard.

Everything was absolutely, unquestionably perfect.

Until Gerard pulled away.

=====

Lindsey was the first to say anything. “I’ve got to run down to the teacher’s lounge,” she’d said and was out the door a moment later to give the boys some space. Gerard wasn’t sure if he should thank her or beg her to come back.

Frank had just kissed him. The kiss itself had been amazing; Gerard was still reeling from it. He had to try hard to focus, to be angry instead of delighted. He looked to Frank who was still smiling at him, completely unaware of the problem he’d just created for Gerard.

“What about Jamia?” was the first thing he said to Frank.

“I told you, we’re not dating! I like you,” Frank said, a look of confusion creeping onto his face.

“You slept with her the other night. I don’t care what your official _title_ is. You have to tell her, then,” Gerard said seriously.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” Frank said. “I couldn’t go through with it! And I can’t exactly just break things off with her, anyway. I’m not like you, Gerard. It matters to me what people think of me!” he said angrily, standing up. “Why don’t you understand that?”

“Of course I understand, but somethings are more important than your reputation!” Gerard yelled back, immediately regretting having raised his voice. Now things were ruined between him and Frank, for sure.

“Whatever,” Frank said. “Clearly we don’t know each other as well as we think we do.”

“Clearly,” Gerard said sourly as he watched Frank leave. A moment later he got up and stormed out as well, going the opposite way. He followed the stairs all the way down to the side door and just left.

He’d left all his books at school, but he didn’t care. He had his phone and his cigarettes and that was all that mattered. He pulled his sweatshirt closer against him, lit a cigarette, and started walking home. He thought about texting Mikey to come with him, but he thought he remembered Mikey saying he had a history test today and Gerard didn’t want to be selfish. He could throw a pity party just fine by himself, anyway.

When he got home he went right downstairs and threw himself on his bed. He eventually sat up and started to undress, switching the TV on. When he was comfortably in a Star Wars t-shirt, he gathered every blanket he could find, put his copy of Halloween in the DVD player, curled up on his bed amidst all the blankets and cried.

He must have fallen asleep like that because suddenly, he was being jostled awake by Mikey.

“Gee, what’s going on?” Mikey said once he was fully awake.

Gerard scooted over to let Mikey sit down on the bed next to him. “How’d you test go?”

“Great. Now, what happened?” Mikey asked again.

“Frank kissed me,” Gerard sighed sadly.

“Okay. And?” Mikey coaxed.

Gerard looked at his brother and tried to form the words to tell him what happened but instead he just burst into tears again. Mikey put his thin arms around him and the two brothers stayed like that for a while, Gerard alternating between quietly sniffling and full on bawling, and Mikey comforting him.

Eventually Mikey got up and told Gerard he’d be right back. He returned a couple of minutes later with a new bottle of whiskey and some pizza. “Mom picked this up for dinner,” he explained.

“What time is it?” Gerard asked softly.

“About six,” Mikey said.

Gerard reached down to the floor to where his pants had been kicked off. He grabbed his cigarettes and his phone. After he lit a cigarette for both him and Mikey, he checked his phone. No new messages. He started to cry again.

“Why don’t I hold onto that for now, okay?” Mikey said soothingly and put Gerard’s phone in his pocket. “Here, eat this.” He handed Gerard a pizza slice and poured two glasses of whiskey into old coffee mugs that probably weren’t clean. Then he switched the TV onto the sci-fy channel and cuddled next to Gerard.

After they were both reasonably drunk and full Mikey asked Gerard if he wanted to talk about it.

Gerard nodded slowly, saying, “Frank kissed me and said that he liked me, and I got mad and I don’t even know who was in the wrong.” It made him feel better just to say those words.

“Why were you mad? Because of Jamia?” Mikey asked.

“Mostly. But also, because he wouldn’t even let me meet his parents and I heard him talking to his friend in class and he wouldn’t even tell him he was going to spend lunch with me and he must be embarrassed of me and–,” Gerard broke down into sobs again.

“You weren’t wrong, Gee,” Mikey comforted, pouring Gerard and himself another glass.

“Then why do I feel like shit?” Gerard asked miserably.

Mikey didn’t answer, just leaned back into Gerard, and helped him through the best he knew how.


	7. Chapter 7

Frank didn’t leave his house for three days.

The first day he told his mom he was sick. He always seemed to be sick, so she believed him and made him soup before she went to church to volunteer. The second day, she stayed home with him and took his temperature numerous times, letting him know he didn’t have a fever. The third day he didn’t offer an excuse, just curled up in bed and didn’t talk to anyone. His mom gave up on trying to get him to eat after several hours of coaxing. She told him she was going to the store and to call her if he needed anything.

Even if he did need something, he couldn’t get ahold of her. He hadn’t charged his phone since Sunday night. The battery was good but it wasn’t four-days-good. Honestly, Frank wasn’t even sure where his phone was. He thought it was too dangerous to keep it on and near him; he’d probably text Gerard and Gerard had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Frank.

Or had he?

As painful as it was, Frank tried to look back on their conversation. Gerard was mostly angry that Frank hadn’t “broken up” with Jamia before he tried to get with Gerard. Frank could definitely understand why, but he didn’t know if he was strong enough to do that. Cutting ties with Jamia meant telling his friends and maybe the whole school that he was gay. Even if he could muster up the courage to come out, the damage was already done. Gerard probably wouldn’t want him ever again.

Another couple hours passed by before Frank even got out of bed to use the bathroom. His mom didn’t appear to be home yet but he figured it was just a matter of minutes now. He decided he should probably take a quick shower before heading back to his room. He wasn’t feeling any better but even at his worst he hated to let his hygiene suffer.

He turned the water all the way hot and stepped into the tile shower. He didn’t realize he was crying, at first. When he started to sob aloud, he seemed to finally grasp just how sad he was, how empty he was without Gerard. He’d only just met him but he already couldn’t live without him. He would do anything to get him back, even just as a friend. Gerard wasn’t Frank’s first friend but he was the first one he felt free around. That pure, lightweight feeling made Gerard even more irresistible to Frank.

Frank rinsed his hair and turned off the water. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door. He heard his mom in the kitchen, probably unpacking groceries, as he padded down the hall to his room. He shut the door behind him and was about to drop his towel when he heard a voice.

“Where have you been, Frankie?!” Jamia nearly shrieked, running over to him and engulfing him in a hug.

“Sick,” Frank said, feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t look her in the eyes, instead he watched the water from his hair drip slowly onto his rug. “You shouldn’t be here, Jamia. Since you are, though, I have to talk to you.” He took in several deep breaths and let them go slowly, trying to prepare himself for the conversation he knew he had to have. He would have preferred it if he was dressed and not alone with her in his room, but if he didn’t do it right away he knew he probably never would. Not in time to get Gerard, anyway.

“Okay, about what?” Jamia said, looking worried and stepping back from him.

“I’ve been thinking… about us,” Frank started delicately. He really didn’t want to hurt her. She was sort of annoying at times but she’d been nothing but good to Frank and he’d only been using her this whole time. What phrase would convey that he liked boys, he was sorry for being a total asshole, she deserved so much better, and that he hoped she wouldn’t tell the whole school? He didn’t have time to ponder that any further though before another visitor arrived in his room.

“Frank Anthony! What is going on?” his mother cried as she entered the room, nearly dropping a bowl of soup. “Who is this? Where are your clothes?”

“No, mom, it’s not like that!” Frank tried to backpedal his way out of this mess. “I just got out of the shower. I didn’t realize Jamia was here!”

“Oh,” Linda Iero began to smile. “This is Jamia? Your girlfriend? Well, I wish you would have just invited her over for dinner, but I am glad to meet her finally.”

Frank took another deep breath and somehow got out the words, “She isn’t my girlfriend.”

Both Jamia and Linda looked confused. “We’re practically dating, Frank. Don’t be so ashamed of it,” Jamia frowned at him.

“I’m not ashamed of you, Jamia. You’re perfect, beyond perfect,” Frank said, meaning it entirely. Jamia stopped frowning and looked like she might cry of happiness instead. Frank had never been so nice to her with his words.

“Frank, if you feel that way, then why aren’t you dating her?” Linda asked.

“I’m gay,” Frank said simply. He felt a little bit sick, but also overwhelmingly relieved that he had said it. It wasn’t hidden anymore.

“I don’t understand, Frank,” Jamia said, hurt showing on her face. “Why would you pretend like you liked me?”

“I was scared. I was just so scared. I know that’s not an excuse, though, and you have to believe me, I am so sorry. I am so truly sorry. I was trying so hard to make things easier for myself and I hurt you in the process. I feel horrible,” Frank confessed, beginning to cry.

Jamia walked over to Frank again. He winced, expecting a slap, or yelling or anything besides what she did. She put her arms around him and hugged him.

“I’m hurt, Frank. I really am. I really do like you. But I also can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you. I’m still mad at you, but I’m glad you told me,” she said in his ear, crying as well.

Finally, she released him and he looked over to his mother, who had been quiet this whole time. He saw tears in her eyes as well. Frank couldn’t tell what exactly she was feeling, though.

“Jamia, honey, could you give me some time alone with my son? We need to have a talk.” Linda put an arm around Jamia and escorted her out and Frank’s stomach dropped.

He got dressed quickly and sat on his bed, waiting for his mom to come back. He started smoothing out his comforter and came across his phone. He plugged it into his charger and tried to take some deep breaths. When Linda finally came back into the room she was carrying two cups of tea and Frank was nearly hyperventilating. She sat down and handed Frank a cup. He took small sips and tried to calm down, glancing around the room anxiously.

“Frankie,” Linda started, a sad tone in her voice. “Did you mean what you said?”

Frank honestly thought about denying it. It would definitely be easier. But then he remembered Gerard and there was no doubt about what he would say.

“Yes. I am gay, Mom.”

“How long have you been… gay?” she said with some difficulty.

“Forever, Mom. I’m so sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted for me,” Frank barely got his words out before he started to cry again. He felt like such a disappointment.

“Sweetie, don’t say sorry,” Linda began to rub her son’s back. “I love you. I don’t care if that’s what you are. I love you no matter what.”

She put her tea down on the bedside table and held Frank in her arms until he couldn’t cry anymore. Finally, his breathing evened out and he felt a lot better. Still upset among other emotions, but better than he had felt in days.

“Your dad loves you just as much as I love you, Frank. But,” she paused and sighed. “I don’t think we should tell him right now. I don’t know how he would react. He could never hate you, Frank, but I don’t think he thinks before he acts, sometimes. I don’t want him to do anything that he would regret later. Is it okay if we keep this between us for right now, honey?”

Frank nodded silently and sank back into his mother’s arms.

“Mom?” he knew he had to tell her one more thing.

“Yes, Frank?”

“There’s a boy I like,” he met her gaze and watched her smile.

“What’s his name, Frankie?”

“Gerard. You don’t know him, but I want to ask him out. He probably hates me, but I like him so much, Mom,” Frank said, happy to talk about Gerard to someone, even under the circumstances.

“Why would he hate you? Anyone would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend,” Linda said.

“I messed things up with him. I didn’t treat him like he was important to me. I’m going to try to fix it, though,” Frank explained, knowing what he needed to do next.

“Okay, I hope it works out, honey. Maybe you could introduce Gerard to me, if it does?” Linda smiled, hopefully.

“Of course, Mom,” Frank hugged his mom and stood up. “I have to go see my friends, if that’s okay?” Linda nodded and he kissed her goodbye, grabbed his phone, and left.

=====

That same Thursday, Gerard was sitting next to Ray behind the counter, helping him re-price some video games. He’d been to the shop after school for the past three days. It was a good way for him to distract himself, or it was until he’d realized he could see Frank’s dream guitar staring at him in the neighboring store.

“Earth to Gerard,” Ray chided when he saw Gerard’s line of vision. “Man, you have got to stop looking over there.”

“I’m not trying to,” Gerard mumbled.

“Has he called you?” Ray asked.

“No, he hasn’t even been in school since it happened. I think he hates me,” Gerard said miserably, lying his head on the counter.

“I thought you were the one mad at him?” Ray continued to work, simply stacking the games around Gerard’s head.

“I am! I don’t know! You’re as bad as Mikey, asking me all these questions. I’m here so I don’t have to think about him,” Gerard said passionately.

“How’s that going? Not thinking about him?” Ray asked.

“Great,” Gerard mumbled. He continued to mope and sigh and stare at the guitar until he heard something that peaked his interest. He looked up and saw Jamia and some of her friends walking past the shop.

“He told you he was gay?” one of her friends said, incredulously.

“Yeah, but he meant it. I feel bad for him, really,” Jamia was saying. “I mean, it still hurts, but it’s not like he chose another girl over me.”

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to get some coffee,” Gerard said to Ray, who just raised his eyebrows in reply as Gerard walked out.

He walked behind the girls at a reasonable distance, trying to catch what they were saying. From what he could hear, Frank had come out to Jamia and his mom. Gerard was surprised, to say the least. He was lost in his thoughts, wondering if Frank had told them because of what Gerard had said to him. When he looked up at Jamia and her friends again, they had sat down at a bench facing him.

“Oh, Gerard. Hi,” she said as she noticed him.

He clammed up and thought he’d been caught eavesdropping. “Hi,” he said cautiously.

“I suppose you’ll have heard the news already,” she started. Gerard was concerned, if she was going to open up to him, who she just met, would she tell everyone at school Frank’s secret? “I broke up with Frank. We were just heading in different directions,” she said, wiping a tear from her face. Gerard breathed a sigh of relief. She really was a good person, he thought.

“No, I hadn’t heard. I’m sorry, Jamia,” he said, meaning it.

She nodded her appreciation and turned back to her friends. Gerard kept walking. He thought he might as well get some coffee. He had a lot to think about, now.


	8. Chapter 8

Gerard wasn’t sure if Frank finally came to school on Friday. He opted to stay home and watch shitty made-for-TV Halloween movies with Mikey. Their mom always let them skip school on Halloween, it was more important than Christmas in the Way house.

Besides, Gerard thought, if he had gone to school and saw Frank there, he wasn’t sure how either of them would react. Frank had outed himself to at least one person and Gerard was touched, but unsure of his feelings. Mostly he missed hanging out with his friend. Before everything went downhill he had started a drawing for Frank for his birthday. It was of Frank with his soon-to-be new guitar. He should have crumpled it after their argument but he couldn’t help saving it between the pages of an old sketchbook.

The boys were sitting underneath a poorly constructed blanket fort on Gerard’s bed eating candy they had stolen from one of the bowls in the kitchen when Donna Way came downstairs. They quickly shoved the wrappers under one of the pillows and turned down the TV.

“Boys? I have to go into work now,” she said, sighing heavily. “The trick-or-treaters should be coming within the hour… Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home? I can call in sick!” Donna almost seemed hopeful. Gerard knew she loved Halloween as much as her sons.

“It’s okay, Ma. We’ll be okay,” Mikey said, emerging from the blankets.

“Well take pictures of the best costumes for me,” she exhaled loudly again before going upstairs. Gerard heard the front door shut and the car start up.

“Are you going out Tracy’s party?” he asked Mikey as he stumbled while trying to stand up, tearing the whole blanket structure down with him.

“Nice going. No, someone’s got to keep an eye on you, klutz,” Mikey rolled his eyes at his older brother and reached out a skinny arm to help him to his feet.

They made their way upstairs to prepare for the evening, stage make-up kit in tow. Mikey was dressing up as a unicorn— he told everyone he was doing it ironically, but Gerard knew better. Gerard was just planning to do some sick zombie make-up and wear some old clothes. He had plenty of those scattered on his floor.

About a half an hour later, when they were both looking scary and/or glittery, the first knock came and the brothers handed out candy to young vampires, grim reapers, and princesses alike. This went on steadily over the next three hours until it was most certainly dark out and many parents had brought their sticky, costumed kids inside for the evening. There were a couple of older kids and even some high-school aged trick-or-treaters every ten minutes but they were becoming less and less frequent and the candy was diminishing.

Mikey was on door duty while Gerard was nearly passed out on the couch in front of the TV with a bag of jolly ranchers he didn’t even particularly care for. He didn’t even look up when Mikey went to answer the door again, until he heard his name. It wasn’t Mikey’s voice.

He sat up quickly and went to see owner of the voice, who was standing in his doorway.

“Frank.”

=====

Thursday evening, after the big discussion with his sort of ex-girlfriend and his mom, Frank had made his way over to Bob’s house. Bob was more than delighted to see him after Frank’s three-day hiatus from society, and immediately called over the rest of their small friend group at Frank’s request. The rest of them had been at Goodwill, getting some last-minute costume additions, so it only took them a few minutes to make their way over. Frank paced around nervously as Bob watched. He was planning exactly what words he should say and in what order. This time, he thought sarcastically, he’d at least be wearing clothes, so it had to go well.

That wasn’t exactly true.

When his three other friends, Joey, Devin, and Alex, arrived, they were giggling and joking around with each other. One look at Frank’s serious expression and they quieted down and took a seat on the couch along with Bob. Frank was still pacing around the living room, doing some deep breathing exercises he had looked up on his phone on the walk over.

“Is everything okay, Frank?” Bob asked finally, his brows scrunched together in worry and his arms folded across his chest.

Frank took one last deep breath. “I want Gerard to come with us tomorrow. Trick-or-treating. It’s my birthday and I want all my friends to be there,” he said in one long breath, which he thought, afterwards, was quite impressive.

“I thought you said you weren’t friends,” Alex looked confused.

“I know I said that. But we are friends. I was scared of what you guys would think,” Frank admitted, looking at each one of his friends’ faces. Most of them seemed relieved it wasn’t some bigger issue they had been gathered here for. Joey was the exception.

“He’s a fag,” he rolled his eyes.

“Joey,” Bob warned.

“So, what if he’s gay?” Frank asked. He needed to know before he jumped into the second part of the conversation.

“It’s gross. It’s wrong,” Joey scowled. “I don’t like it and I don’t want him hanging around.”

“You don’t want any gay friends?” Frank asked, for confirmation.

“Where’s this going, Frank?” Devin said.

“I’m just letting Joey know,” Frank started, “that we probably shouldn’t be friends anymore, then.”

“What?” they all said in unison.

Frank cleared his throat and clarified, “I’m gay.” He was looking at the carpet again, but he brought his gaze up to each of his friends.

“Okay,” Alex said. “Doesn’t change anything for me.” He smiled at Frank and Frank smiled back.

“Me neither, Frank. You’re still an okay guy,” Bob said, standing up to hug Frank.

“Dude, as long as I don’t have to watch you make out with other dudes all the time, we’re cool, too,” Devin said finally, giggling. He and Alex stood up to hug Frank as well. They all turned to look at Joey, then.

“Come on, Joey,” Bob said, hoping Joey would follow suit.

“Are you guys serious?” was all Joey said before he walked out the door. Frank would have felt pretty rotten about that if it hadn’t been for the three boys surrounding him.

“He’ll come around,” Alex said, but Frank wasn’t so sure.

“So, you and Gerard are…” Devin wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence.

Honestly, Frank didn’t know how to either. He sat his friends down again and tried to explain the tricky situation he’d gotten himself into.

=====

“Frank,” Gerard said, softer this time, as he drank in the sight of the Freddie Krueger costume, burn scars and all, and the large eyes behind it. His eyes finally trailed behind Frank to the Superman, the demon clown, and the nun.

No one said anything else for a few seconds until Mikey chimed in. “So, what are you guys doing here?”

Gerard noted how nervous Frank looked as he said, “I, uh, wanted to talk to Gerard.” He glanced up at Gerard and then dropped his eyes again quickly.

The nun, who introduced himself as Devin, stepped forward and said, “Frank’s totally gay for Gerard and he wants to apologize and shit. Now, I can’t help but notice some butter fingers on the table behind you. May we come in?” Before Gerard or Mikey said anything, they were being pushed aside as Frank and company let themselves in.

Frank was the last to walk in and he hung back by Gerard when Mikey walked everyone else to the living room and turned the TV volume up. Gerard felt so many different emotions as he stood next to Frank. He was excited and hurt and scared and totally impressed with Frank’s detailed costume. He didn’t know what to say so he just went with the first thing on his mind.

“You told Jamia you were gay?”

Frank’s eyes met his. “Yep. I was following some advice from this guy I like. Honestly, I should have told her, sooner.” He reached out to grab Gerard’s hand.

“Yeah, you probably should have. But I’m glad you did now,” he squeezed Frank’s hand. “So who’s this guy you like?”

“He’s one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. I messed things up with him, but I’m hoping he’ll forgive me,” Frank whispered the last part.

“I—,” Gerard started but was interrupted by the Superman in the living room.

“Just kiss him already!”

Frank rolled his eyes, “Ignore Bob.”

“Do I have to?” Gerard smiled and leaned in and kissed Frank. This time was even more magical than the last. Frank brought his arms around Gerard’s neck and Gerard cupped the side of Frank’s face. There was cheering from the living room, and not just from Frank’s friends. Gerard broke the kiss and whispered, “Happy Birthday, Frankie,” into the other boy’s ear.

“Thanks, Gee,” Frank said back to him, with a smile.

“All right, are you guys ready now?” Alex called from the adjoining room, feigning impatience. “We need to go get some candy before it’s all gone. You too, Mikey. Let’s go, people.” He stood and began to usher everyone out the door.

Gerard was the last one out the door, making sure to lock it. He jogged to catch up with Frank, who leaned into him. It was sort of difficult to walk while holding onto each other as much as possible, but they made due and no one complained. Again, everything was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up, smut in the next chapter


	9. Chapter 9

The next two weeks went smoothly for the couple, for the most part. Halloween night Frank had asked Gerard to officially be his boyfriend, which he of course agreed to. Frank had, in his opinion, an excellent birthday. The day after, Gerard had given him a beautiful drawing and, it turned out he didn’t even need to save up any more for his guitar, Linda had surprised him with it for a present. Frank Sr. didn’t approve but neither Frank or his mom listened much to him these days. Frank was becoming increasingly open with his mom and, unfortunately, increasingly distant with his father.

He and Gerard had been on several real dates and spent most of their free time together. Except for when Gerard was working at his new part-time job at the shop with Ray and when Frank was hauled away by his friends for “bro time”. Without the secrets weighing Frank down, it was no longer a chore to be around his friends. He even discovered Bob had taken up the drums recently and Frank was getting ideas in the back of his head. Like, let’s-start-a-band ideas.

He saw Jamia once, as well. They got smoothies at the mall and talked. She agreed Frank “did all right” with Gerard and showed him a hundred photos of the new guy she was dating. He tried his best to discuss her hair and outfits in these pictures, since Jamia assumed he was into these things now.

The only person he hadn’t seen was Joey. Well, he’d _seen_ him at school, but he hadn’t talked to him at all. Joey had talked about Frank to others, though, it seemed. Suddenly the whole school knew he was gay and dating Gerard. It wasn’t as bad as Frank always imagined it would be, though. Other than a couple of Joey’s new friends, no one gave him a hard time about it, despite being at a Catholic school in a mostly religious neighborhood. He was so grateful.

=====

Gerard had been having a positive experience as well. He’d put their fight behind him and was excited with his new relationship. He couldn’t get enough of Frank. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only Way who adored Frank. Donna tried to get Frank to stay over for dinner nearly every night and was constantly snapping pictures of the boys. Usually, they tried to spend their time together elsewhere.

One such evening, Frank was dragging Gerard on a walk for some unknown reason.

“Frankie, it’s cold,” Gerard whined, wrapping his ten scarves around his neck and face a little tighter.

“You’ve got at least twelve layers. I’m sure you can’t feel the wind,” Frank giggled back at his boyfriend.

“Where are we going, anyway?”

“I just want to show you something, then we can go get coffee or something and warm up. Don’t worry, I won’t let you freeze. Trust me.”

Gerard grabbed Frank’s bare hand with his gloved fingers. “I trust you,” he whispered and received a kiss on his forehead, which was the only part of his face exposed.

Soon, Gerard recognized they were on their way to the park where Frank had brought them their first day hanging out. He wondered what Frank had up his sleeve. They finally reached the park, and started across the dying grass to the woods. Gerard glanced over at Frank who was already smiling at Gerard.

“Look,” he said and pointed up ahead.

So, Gerard did. Up in the distance, he saw a beautiful sparkling mess. He started jogging to see it closer.

“Frank!” he shrieked, excited. “Did you do this for me?” He reached the gazebo and began to run his hands over the lights. There were easily two thousand little bulbs strung over the structure haphazardly. It wouldn’t win a decorating competition, but it was so Frank. That’s what made it special to Gerard. “This is beautiful— I love it!”

“I’ll admit, Bob helped me with it. But yes, it’s for you. I told you I wanted to bring a girl here. Obviously, I was lying. All I ever want is you. You’re everything to me,” Frank caught up and threw his arms around Gerard’s waist from behind.

Gerard turned around and held his boyfriend. Their eyes met and Gerard leaned in even closer to Frank. Their lips met and Frank began to push Gerard backwards until his back was against the gazebo. Gerard hugged Frank to his chest and broke the kiss, instead focusing his lips on Frank’s neck, his jawline, his cheek. Frank slid his leg in between Gerard’s and forced their lips together again.

“Frankie?” Gerard sighed. “This is beautiful but I’m cold.” He hated to ruin the moment but it was one of the coldest days so far of the season and he knew Frank had to be freezing as well. He didn’t want him catching cold.

Frank didn’t look upset in the least. He grinned mischievously at Gerard. “We can go to my house? My parents are visiting my dad’s brother overnight.”

“Okay,” Gerard smiled back, kissing Frank again, before the boys started their walk back. “Thank you again for this.”

=====

Frank smiled all the way back to his house. He’d anticipated Gerard coming over and had things set up in his room for a romantic evening. He and Gerard had only made out before. Things had definitely been heated, but they didn’t have anywhere to really carry things further. With his parents gone, he thought this was the perfect opportunity.

He unlocked the door and led Gerard in. Laughing, he helped him out of his many layers and then reached under his shirt to press his cold hands on Gerard’s bare stomach. The older boy squealed and pushed Frank playfully.

“Coffee?” Frank offered, still smirking.

“I’ll warm you up,” Gerard suggested, taking Frank’s hand, and pulling him closer.

“Let’s go to my room,” Frank tried to play it cool, but inside he was excited and extremely nervous. He’d actually laid out a rose petal trail to his room and he hoped Gerard wouldn’t think it was too cheesy. If he could read Gerard’s thoughts, though, he’d know Gerard was only focusing on one thing.

“You’re quite the romantic. I didn’t realize,” Gerard said with a wink when they walked into Frank’s bedroom. He’d cleaned it fairly well and scattered candles around as well as the remaining petals.

“Just let me finish it, hang on,” Frank hurried to turn off the lights and light all the candles. He surveyed the room proudly when he was done. It did look romantic, he thought. He turned to Gerard who was looking at him, starry-eyed.

“You mean so much to me, Frank. More than you know,” Gerard whispered in the candlelight.

Frank guided him over to his bed. “I think I do know. I feel the same way about you, Gee.”

They were sprawled out on the bed in seconds, lazily kissing and keeping each other close. Frank moved on top of Gerard and kissed him harder, biting his lip when he pulled away. He trailed his lips down Gerard’s neck, leaving a couple light marks in the process. Gerard moaned softly and moved his neck towards Frank’s mouth. Frank ignored him, instead sitting up and pulling his shirt off and then reaching for Gerard’s.

“Wait,” Gerard said suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” Frank said worriedly. “Am I going too fast? We can stop.”

“It’s… not that,” Gerard didn’t meet Frank’s eyes, so Frank tilted Gerard’s head to look at him.

“What’s up, Gee?” he said delicately.

“You look so good. I, I don’t,” Gerard admitted, dropping his eyes again.

Frank shook his head. “Don’t say that, baby. You’re so perfect, _so_ perfect. I would never change anything about you,” he leaned down and kissed Gerard’s lips gently. “Is it okay?” he questioned, resting his fingertips on the hem of Gerard’s tee shirt.

Gerard nodded and Frank lifted it over his head. He nearly moaned when he saw Gerard’s pale form in the flickering light. “You’re so beautiful,” he sighed and ran his palms over his boyfriend’s torso. Gerard seemed to warm up to the idea of being shirtless and was soon squirming underneath Frank, pleading with his eyes for Frank to do something.

Frank bent down and began kissing Gerard again, fervently. As things heated, he began to move slowly against Gerard. He felt Gerard’s breath hitch and his own was quickening. He pushed down harder and Gerard’s hands found his hips, moving him along faster. Frank could feel Gerard hard beneath him.

“Frank,” he exhaled heavily. Frank responded with his own moan.

“You’re so pretty, baby,” he murmured and Gerard seemed to like that, judging by how tightly his fingers gripped Frank. He ran them up and down Frank’s body, until he pulled Frank down on top of him. Frank was about to reach for the bulge in Gerard’s jeans when Gerard  grabbed Frank and flipped him over, so Gerard was lying on top. He looked to Frank for permission as he began to undo Frank’s pants. Frank nodded and moaned, helping Gerard with his zipper to speed the process up.

Finally, Gerard got Frank’s pants undone and tugged them off completely. He brought his hands back up Frank’s legs, lingering on his upper thighs, before trailing up to his hips again. He leaned down and kissed Frank passionately. With one hand he pushed Frank’s sweaty bangs out of his eyes and with the other he grasped Frank’s cock.

Frank let out a ragged breath. He noticed how different it felt when he was with someone he truly liked (loved?) than with Jamia. He felt so connected to Gerard and obviously, extremely aroused. Gerard began to pump his dick with his soft hands and Frank bit his lip to stifle a moan. This just egged Gerard on, who lowered his face down to Frank’s crotch and began kissing around his throbbing cock, still encased in Gerard’s fingers. Finally, _finally_ , he brought his lips around the head and Frank nearly came.

Gerard planted several additional gentle kisses on just the tip before he truly began to suck Frank. Frank tried not to notice how Gerard hollowed his cheeks out when he took Frank further into his mouth. He was already struggling not to finish immediately. When Gerard slid his hands underneath Frank to cradle his ass, Frank knew he was a goner.

He groaned loudly and began to thrust up into Gerard’s mouth, warning him with a muffled, “I’m gonna, ah, I’m gonna come, baby.” Gerard didn’t move his mouth, though, just smirked at Frank, and gripped his ass harder. Frank came, crying out, inside Gerard’s mouth. His orgasm rippled through his body and he went slack, totally spent. “Fuck, Gee,” he grunted.

Smiling, Gerard moved down to kiss Frank lovingly. Tired as he was, Frank still couldn’t keep his hands off him. “Let me blow you?” he pleaded, sucking on Gerard’s neck.

“Please,” Gerard moaned and Frank was hard all over again.

As he turned Gerard over onto his back, he was so engrossed in the noises Gerard was making, the way his skin seemed to glow in the dim light, the smoothness of his skin. Frank didn’t have any space left in his head to comprehend anything but Gerard. He truly meant it when he told Gerard that he was everything to him.

Frank could personally attest that this was an excellent feeling to experience. However, in this situation it didn’t work out in his benefit. He was so focused on Gerard that he didn’t hear the car pull into the driveway. He was so captivated by the way Gerard’s back arched when he kissed his stomach, that he wasn’t listening for the sound of the front door unlocking. In fact, he didn’t hear a sound until his bedroom door was pushed open, and, by then, Gerard’s dick was already in his mouth. So, when he did hear his father shout his name from the doorway, it was with his lips still encircled around his boyfriend that he made eye contact with his dad.

It really couldn’t have been a worse situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that wasn't super cringey, i know this is a bit predictable, but i like writing it anyway. :)  
> probably just a couple more chapters after this one.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit shorter this time, trying to decide where i want things to go next

Gerard’s eyes snapped open and instantly, he wished they were still closed. Ignorance is bliss, he thought sarcastically to himself. Or he would have thought that, if he wasn’t in a state of panic. He looked down at Frank, who seemed frozen crouched around his lower half. He gave him a sharp shove and Frank tumbled backward, hitting the baseboard hard.  
He didn’t really know what to expect from Mr. Iero, having never actually met him. Frank had explained the whole I-can’t-tell-my-dad-or-else situation, but he didn’t disclose what the ‘or else’ was. Gerard did, however, expect more shouting, but, after the initial “Frank!” there was just silence. Stupid, slack-jawed silence from all three parties.  
Suddenly, things snapped back and Frank reached for his pants, finding Gerard’s instead and throwing those in his face. Gerard grabbed them and tried to shimmy into them in 2.3 seconds, not quite succeeding now that time was rolling along normally again. Frank’s father had enough decency to direct his eyes at the ceiling until the boys were clothed, Gerard noted thankfully, but once they were, he fixed them with this deathly glare that was half disbelief, half anger.  
“Dad,” Gerard heard Frank say. “It’s not, it’s not what it looks like.” Horrified as he was, Gerard could still recognize a useless excuse when he heard one. They’d been caught in the act, there was no talking their way out.  
“Who are you?” Mr. Iero finally pointed at Gerard. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. Leave. Don’t come back.”  
And that was all Gerard needed. Yes, he wanted to stay and support Frank through this whole mess, but he was honestly petrified. He skulked out of the room, feeling like Judas the traitor, betraying his boyfriend after more or less forcing him out of the closet.   
He’d only made it to the hallway when he ran into Mrs. Iero. She looked at Gerard and her face went from confusion to realization to horror as she put two and two together. “Gerard?” she guessed correctly.  
Gerard just nodded and said, “You’d better get in there.” She nodded back and pushed past him into Frank’s room. Gerard continued walking towards the front door. By the time he reached it, he heard the shouting begin and possibly a smack. He felt nauseated with guilt but he didn’t turn around. He grabbed his coat and all his stupid scarves which had seemed so necessary earlier and he left.  
He didn’t even notice he was running home until he fell, feet and legs flying forward, out from under him and butt landing on the cold sidewalk. He hadn’t put on his jacket or scares or sweatshirt, so they had gone from where they were cradled in his arms to lying on the ground in a six-foot radius from where he had fallen. Gerard couldn’t really see them at this point in the evening, so he felt around and picked up what he could find, leaving the rest for the homeless or the birds for their nests or whatever.  
At last, he was at his front door, his eyes so dry he was sure he’d forgotten to blink the entire trip home. Why wasn’t he crying? Why wasn’t he with Frank, keeping him safe? Everything felt off and wrong and sickly real. He couldn’t pretend it was a dream; the cold stung his arms through the thin fabric and the bruises on his bottom and lower back throbbed. This was real, high-definition life and closing his eyes wouldn’t shut it off, but maybe vodka would.  
He opened the door and thankfully the lights were out. His mom was probably in her room watching soap reruns, he figured. He tried to be quiet on his way up to Mikey’s room. The last thing he wanted was his mom getting involved— Donna Way wouldn’t let this go down quietly. He just wanted to be still and cry with his brother and hopefully drink until nothing mattered or felt important anymore.  
When he got to Mikey’s room, though, it was empty. Mikey must have gone out with friends. “Fuck,” Gerard breathed out. The last thing he wanted was to be alone. Not because he wanted company or to hash things out, but because he didn’t trust himself right now. Here he was, trying to do the right thing and get himself a babysitter, and there was no one around. He almost thought about going to his mom, but he knew that would just make things worse. He walked over to Mikey’s desk and rummaged through the drawers before finding a half empty bottle in the last one. He tucked it under his arm along with all his outerwear and trudged downstairs to his room.   
He didn’t bother turning on the TV or even the lights. The point was to get black-out drunk and not think. Four large swallows into the bottle, he thought of something else to aid him on his quest. He sat upright and stumbled off his bed, trying to get himself over to the dresser. It hurt to walk or move at all, and his lower half hated him for getting up. He spread his palms out on the surface of the dresser, looking for a little orange bottle of pills. Aha, he thought, as his fingers closed around the small cylinder. He popped the lid off easily and took a few, maybe four or five, of the small rounds out and shoved them past his lips. If nothing else, this would definitely take the edge off.   
Forty minutes later, he was back in bed, still clutching his vodka. His thoughts were slow and senseless and he thought he could physically feel them switching topics in his head. He didn’t seem to feel his phone vibrating endlessly in his pocket, though. Either that or he chose to ignore it. It wasn’t really clear which.  
=====  
Frank really couldn’t believe his luck.  
Well, not luck, really. Luck wouldn’t allow your dad to walk in on you and your secret boyfriend getting it on. Whatever you want to call it, though, Frank seemed to have a change in fortune tonight, compared to how he had assumed things would go.  
After Frank Sr. kicked Gerard out, Linda had come running in the room. His dad started yelling at Frank, nonsense words, in reality. Anything loud that he could think of off the top of his head so he was saying something. His mother, thankfully for Frank, put up with that for two counts before she reached out and slapped him on the third.   
Frank Sr. just started at her, dumbfounded.  
“Listen to yourself!” she yelled. “Breath, count to ten, talk a walk, something! But don’t do anything right now until you’ve thought it over good and hard!”  
He stood there another moment, gawking at his wife, Frank gawking at both of them. Then, to Frank’s surprise, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Frank was still staring open-mouthed, having expected something… else. His mom came and sat on the bed, took one look at the sheets, then stood back up, clearing her throat.  
“It was nice to meet your boyfriend.”  
Frank just blinked. Finally, “What are you doing home early?”  
“Your father got a call from work, he has to go in tomorrow. We didn’t want to make the drive that early in the morning,” she explained. She reached down and put a hand on Frank’s shoulder. “I know, at your age, you’re going to want to experiment with your boyfriend, Frankie. But we trusted you to stay here alone, assuming you would actually be alone. I think that’s what your father’s most upset about,” she sighed, tousling his hair.  
“Yeah, something tells me otherwise,” Frank made a face.  
“I’m going to talk to him. Are you okay?” she asked.  
Frank nodded.  
“I think you need to make sure Gerard’s okay; he looked pretty pale when I saw him,” Linda said, concern clear on her face.  
“He’s always kind of pale,” Frank said, trying to lighten the situation. It didn’t seem to work, though. “Yeah, I’ll call him.”   
His mom kissed his forehead and turned to leave. “And Frank?” she said, getting his attention again. “Change your sheets, sweetie.”  
Frank blushed and pulled them off his bed before reaching for his phone. He dialed Gerard’s number at least seven times before giving up. Even then, he only waited two minutes before trying again a few more. He knew Gerard had to be really upset, but why wouldn’t he pick up his phone? It wasn’t Frank’s fault, the situation. He couldn’t be mad at him, could he? Frank held his head in his hands, breathing out slowly. He hoped things weren’t fucked up with Gerard just two weeks after they had gotten better.


	11. Chapter 11

Frank sat on his fresh sheets, knees tucked up under his chin, staring at his phone like it was the enemy he was about to interrogate. He tried to go through all the options mentally. One, Gerard’s phone was on silent. Two, Gerard was purposely not answering because he was mad. Number three was the same as two, except Gerard wasn’t answering because he was scared. Like, maybe he thought Frank’s dad had his phone. Frank wasn’t sure if Gerard would even know to be worried about that one, though. He didn’t think Mrs. Way ever took away Gerard’s phone or punished him at all.

The stress of the situation must have finally broken him, though, because suddenly Frank was snapping his eyes open, still crouched in an uncomfortable position, but this time with sunlight streaming through the window. His mom was knocking on his door, telling him he’d be late for school.

Frank unlocked his phone: Friday 7:02 AM, No New Messages. No missed calls from Gerard. At least he would see him in school, and they could talk over whatever it was that was bothering Gerard. Frank pledged to fix the situation, no matter what it was. He was not losing Gerard. He couldn’t handle it.

He dug around his closet for a clean uniform and slipped it on, not even bothering to shower or comb his hair, which was curling over his face. He still smelled a bit like Gerard, not in a dirty way, just a hint of his cologne or shampoo or detergent. Frank wasn’t sure what it was, exactly, but it comforted him nonetheless.

When he went out to the kitchen for breakfast, he noticed his dad had gone into work early. His mom was there, though, with a plate of microwave waffles and a mug of coffee. He ate in record time and burned his mouth swigging down the boiling hot coffee. After his dishes were in the sink, he kissed his mom goodbye, glad she didn’t want to discuss last night yet, and was on his way to school. He was unquestionably going to be late, but he was planning to skip his first class anyway. His second, too, if need be. He was going to find Gerard wherever he was, art room or class or smoking behind school.

He finally got to school, quickly throwing his things in his locker and starting his search. He admittedly did not know what class Gerard was supposed to have first period, so he figured he’d try to take a stealthy glimpse at each classroom on his way up to the art room.

He went through the first and second floors fairly quickly without any signs of Gerard. The only class he couldn’t see into was the gym, but he was certain that if Gerard did happen to have PE first, he wouldn’t be participating, especially not today. He hurried up the stairs to the third floor. There was a music room up there as well, which Gerard was not in. And then the art room. He was sure Gerard would be here, then, if he wasn’t anywhere else.

Frank burst open the door to the large room. There were maybe seven bored students, one confused teacher and no Gerard. Frank began to practically hyperventilate at the thought and just stood there, panting, in the doorway, trying to comprehend the situation.

Lindsey walked over to where Frank was having his crisis. “Frank, is there something I can help you with? We’re just starting class now.”

“Need. To find. Gerard,” He said between staccato breaths. He blinked and shook his head, almost like he could clear it out that way and turned and ran down the three flights of stairs till he got to the side door. He forcefully pushed his way out and ended up by the dumpster. He circled around it at least twice for good measure before determining Gerard was neither out here nor in the building. Okay, he thought, Plan B.

Sweat was building up on his forehead and he was blotchy red by the time he found Mikey Way, who happened to be in the second-floor Chemistry room. Frank had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the glass window in the door and then wave his arms frantically to get someone’s attention. Luckily for him, it wasn’t the teacher who saw him first. Unluckily, it was Joey. Frank mentally slammed his head on the wall and with a _might as well try_ attitude started mouthing “MIKEY” and pointing to where he sat a row away from Joey.

Joey only smirked and rolled his eyes, then focused them back on the lecture. “Fucker!” Frank said under his breath. He knew that was probably the first time Joey had paid attention to a Chemistry lesson. He was still giving Joey the death glare when the door suddenly opened and Mikey walked out with a bathroom pass in hand.

“So, I’m guessing you want to talk to me?” he said, nonchalantly and ignoring Frank’s hysteria.

“Where the fuck is Gerard, man?” Frank spit it out so fast it sounded like one long word. He took a deep breath, let it out and tried again. “He’s not in class. He’s not answering his calls. My dad, uh, my dad walked in on us, last night. Kicked Gerard out and everything. I need to find him. I’m worried about him.” Saying it all just made Frank more concerned for Gerard’s safety.

“He’s probably still at home. I got home real late last night, he was only half there, puking his guts out. Took my vodka and got super wasted. Ma went into work before we were up, so my best guess is he’s at home sleeping off a mega hangover,” Mikey answered. Frank couldn’t tell if Mikey was worried about his brother or if this was usual Gerard behavior. Either way, Frank needed to get to him.

“Okay, I’m going to go check on him,” Frank said, starting to dart off.

“Dude, you need a key,” Mikey called out and he was back in a flash. Mikey unhooked his own and handed it to Frank with a stern, “I better not be locked out when I get home,” and an almost-glare.

“You got it. Bye.” Frank really did dart off this time.

It was another cold day but Frank didn’t care. He ran to Gerard’s house. Really, he flew, taking half the usual steps, and moving twice the distance each time. He thought to himself, if Gerard is okay and well, I’ll kill him. If he’s not… He didn’t finish the thought but the image of his dad yelling at Gerard to get out flashed through his head. He just knew he had to stitch things back together. Gerard was going to talk to him whether he wanted to or not.

He reached the Way house and unlocked the door swiftly, shoving Mikey’s key back down in his pocket. He instantly started calling Gerard’s name the second his feet touched the carpet, though he knew Gerard wouldn’t be able to hear him until he was closer to the stairs. He took them down two or three at a time and threw himself into Gerard’s bed where there was a massive heap of blankets. He pushed them all aside to get to Gerard but all he found underneath was a pile of vomit.

He began to gag himself, but swallowed hard and ripped the sheets off and bunched them together on the floor. The Find Gerard situation was still critical, but his mom didn’t raise a slob. He knew Gerard would appreciate the gesture later, if only he could find him. Frank bounded back up the stairs to Mikey’s room, going through the room like a robber even though it was clear Gerard wasn’t in Mikey’s dresser drawer.

Frank even stopped to look in what must be Mrs. Way’s room, all reds and gothic blacks and creepy dolls on shelves. He got out of there as fast as he could and started down the stairs again, to see if Gerard was possibly asleep somewhere other than his bed. It was a decently sized room, after all.

Gerard definitely wasn’t in the closet, behind his desk or under his bed. Frank did, however, find a pill bottle under there, cap off and contents half-spilled. He felt queasy again and it wasn’t the sheets full of sick to blame this time. Assuming Gerard was alive, he had to be in poor condition. Frank knew from health class that anxiety medication and alcohol didn’t mix well.

Okay, he thought, trying to breath evenly and remain calm, if he were a trashed Gerard, where would he go? Frank knew he wouldn’t want to be upset and drunk and high _and_ alone, but who would Gerard go to? Obviously, for once he hadn’t confided in Mikey, and Frank assumed Donna was still oblivious. He probably would try to find me, Frank thought. He knew Gerard wasn’t dumb enough to try him at his house, so where else would he look for Frank? And why wouldn’t he just call him?

The answer to that was also under the bed, Frank discovered. Gerard’s phone, still somehow turned on, with a million missed calls from Frank, was wedged under an old sock near where the pills were. Frank, ever his mother’s son, plugged it in for Gerard and with that he was off, hopefully to find his boyfriend.

=====

Gerard had been in and out of it throughout the night. By the time early morning rolled around, he was seriously regretting last night’s desperate decision-making. He was still extremely tired though, and nothing was actually making much sense, so he couldn’t entirely piece together last night’s events. He knew there was an incident and maybe Frank was mad at him and he had taken too many Xanax. He wanted to call Frank but he couldn’t find his phone.

Shortly after his mom left for work, he decided he would just walk over to Frank’s house. He slowly got out of bed, realized he had puke all over his clothes, peeled them off and used his dirty shirt to wipe at his mouth. He’d just sat back down, sort of forgetting why he’d gotten up in the first place, when Mikey called down, presumably to see if he was alive. He yelled some gibberish greeting back up and then decided not to say anything else for a while. The effort of speaking kind of made the room spin.

Finally he was up again, slipping on sweats and a hoodie and anything else that looked warm. He couldn’t exactly find a matching set of shoes, but they were both darkish so he shrugged and slipped them on. When he made it up the stairs, having successfully fended off the drowsiness and ignored the temptation to just sit down and fall asleep along the way, Mikey was gone. School, Gerard thought, the word long and drawn out in his mind. He should be at school, he realized. Nah, he shook his head.

It was colder outside than he would have thought and for once he didn’t have any scarves on. He just kept his head down and began walking to Frank’s house. He thought he was, at least, he couldn’t be entirely sure. He still felt half asleep and maybe drunk, though he couldn’t be at this point.

He eventually realized he had taken a wrong turn somewhere down the line, but he wasn’t too upset. More of last night was coming back to him and he recognized that Frank’s house might not be the best place for him, especially if Mr. Iero was home. So, he just kept walking and walking, eventually coming up to the park Frank had taken him to before.  Gerard smiled stupidly, of course Frank would know to find him here. He walked through the patch of woods to the gazebo, lights still hung up but not showing up in the morning light. Frank never did bring any pillows, he sighed when he got inside. He just sort of shrugged and sat down on the wooden floor anyway. It was surprisingly inviting.


	12. Chapter 12

Gerard woke up in his bed, surprisingly. He actually would have been surprised to wake up anywhere, though, having little to no memory of what had happened. It began to come back, though, slowly, one second at a time. He felt around his bed with his arms, his eyes still closed. No vomit, sheets felt undeniably clean. (When yours are so often dirty, you pick up a knack for telling the difference with just your hands.) He reached his arm out a little further and felt a body. Frank.

He peered open his eyes, head turned to take in Frank’s face. Frank was awake too, looking at Gerard thoughtfully. “Hey,” he said, grabbing Gerard’s hand that was still prodding him, and taking it in his own.

“How did I get here?” Gerard asked. The time for lazy greetings was after getting-serious-answers time. “What time is it?”

“You’re here because I found you, freezing, at the gazebo. It had started to rain, you know,” Frank said in an almost parental tone.

No, Gerard hadn’t known. “I’m so sorry, Frankie. I just, I was all messed up. I knew you would look for me there, though,” he tried to explain.

“I did, eventually. But not after checking the entire school, ransacking your house, changing your sheets—you’re welcome—, and checking the mall. Then I knew where to look, but really it was sort of the last place. So, maybe don’t run off again thinking I’ll know exactly what to do,” Frank scolded, but he was smiling.

“But how did I get back here? Did you like, drag me back? I smell clean,” he noticed. “Did you give me a bath?!” He wasn’t actually angry, just wishing he had been sober for that part.

“I called Mikey and he called Ray who came and picked us both up. It’s okay, though, he just took like, a really early lunch break to do it. He was chill about it all. Worried about you. So is Mikey. He’s upstairs. I should go tell him you’re _awake_ awake now. Oh, by the way, it’s around five. Your mom got home an hour ago. We told her you have the flu,” Frank was yelling the last part from the stairs, apparently on his way to get Mikey.

Gerard just stayed sprawled out on the bed. His head was pounding, but he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the way that means no longer high or drunk. He heard two sets of steps come down the stairs.

‘Mikey’s the one who sprayed you down, by the way. We were trying to warm you up, but also you smelled like shit,” Frank was giggling. Gerard was about to say something borderline rude and sarcastic, but he could tell Frank was just so happy that he was okay, so he felt bad and bit his tongue.

A second later, Mikey was on the bed, arms tight around Gerard.

“Hey, Mikes.”

“I thought you were fucking sleeping it off,” Mikey started, and Gerard thought he might start to cry. “You asshole!” Maybe not. “Don’t run off like that! What if Frank hadn’t found you?”

Despite the angry words, Mikey was still clinging onto Gerard and he knew that his brother was also incredibly relieved to have him here. He hadn’t thought about how something like this would mess either of them up when he was getting smashed last night. He should have, probably could have saved him some trouble and a killer headache.

Mikey sat up and Gerard suddenly thought of something. “What about your dad, Frank? What did he do? Why aren’t you like, in Catholic military school?”

“Dude, you should have been there to see it. My mom like took charge of the situation. My dad, after he freaked out on you, he only got one word in before Mom was kicking him out. I haven’t even talked to him since,” Frank paused and sat down next to Gerard again. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, honestly, but I’m not scared. Not as long as I have you.”

Mikey swatted at Gerard then, saying, “Yeah, so don’t pull this shit again, Gee. For my and Frank’s sakes.”

Gerard just nodded penitently. He reached his arms around his two favorite people and held them close. “Never again.”

=====

Frank was back home by seven-thirty. He was reluctant to leave Gerard, but he didn’t want to start even more problems with his dad, who would undoubtedly want to talk to Frank by now. Besides, he knew Mikey would stay with Gerard through the night and both boys had promised to text Frank. Mikey, with any problems. Gerard, just because Frank would miss him too much.

He was sitting at the table eating some reheated vegetarian lasagna when his dad walked in. His mom was still sitting in the living room, which he guessed meant this was father-son time. He put down his fork and stared at his father, waiting to see what he would say.

He didn’t say anything for a long time, though. Just sat down, restacked the napkins into their holder, and sighed. Finally, he looked at Frank, with this unreadable expression.

“Was it something I did?” he asked quietly.

“What do you mean, Dad?”

“You being… how you are. Are you doing it because you’re angry at me? I know I wasn’t the best father, Frank, but I tried,” he sighed, head in his hands now.

“Dad, I’m not angry at you. I’m kind of upset at you for yelling at Gerard like you did, but I guess I get it. But I’m not trying to get back at you, or anything like that at all. I’m just me. And I happen to like guys and I happen to be your son, but the two are unrelated,” Frank says, proud of himself for explaining things so well and not getting too emotional.

“Okay,” Frank Sr. said after a long pause. “Well, I can’t say I’m happy about it,” he began again.

“Frank.” Linda’s stern voice came from the living room, obviously addressing the older Frank who appeared to be on thin ice.

He put his palms out, in defense. “All right. Well. I love you, son.” He reached over to try to pat Frank affectionately, but it came off sort of robotic. Frank guessed he was aware, because then he just frowned a bit and walked away to his office.

Linda walked into the kitchen once he was gone.

“That wasn’t horrible,” Frank offered, getting up to rinse his plate.

“No, I suppose not. I don’t think he’ll be attending the pride parade this year, but it could have gone a lot worse. He has agreed to be reintroduced to Gerard, though,” Linda was leaning against the fridge, looking to Frank to see his reaction.

“Maybe in a bit, Mom,” Frank smiled. “Thank you.”

“For what, honey?” she asked, head tilted.

“For supporting me through everything. For having my back.”

“That’s my job as your mom,” she said as she reached out to Frank, pulling him close to her and hugging him tightly. “Nothing you could do would ever make me quit, either.” She kissed him on the forehead.

=====

Gerard slept very soundly through the night and quite a bit of the next morning. Mikey was still lying down next to him, probably just as exhausted as Gerard. Luckily the boys didn’t have anything to get up for this Saturday, so they just stayed in bed until Donna coaxed them out with bacon. She tried to give Gerard soup first, but he convinced her it was just a twenty-four hour bug and he was feeling infinitely better.

Frank had called him in the morning to make sure he was doing fine and to let him know he was spending the morning with his mom, but would come over to see him in the afternoon. Gerard was all right with this; it gave him some time to do a few things he knew he should.

Firstly, he apologized to Mikey another fifty times. (Mikey eventually pretended to have fallen back asleep to get him to stop— it was a bit too much emotion for Mikey so early on a weekend.) Secondly, he asked his mom if she could set something up with his old therapist again. He hadn’t seen her in at least six months and he knew he was overdue for another visit.

Thirdly, he woke Mikey up from his fake slumber and asked him to take his prescription and keep it safe for him. Gerard knew he often needed the prescription to get by, but he also didn’t trust himself not to abuse it in a bad situation. He asked if Mikey would hang on to it and give him just one dose if he asked. For once, Mikey seemed to be the overly emotional brother, and instantly agreed to the arrangement, telling Gerard how proud he was of him.

When Frank came over a few hours later, he agreed that was a good option. He also told Gerard that his parents wanted to invite him over formally, which Gerard honestly wasn’t too keen on.

“I’m not too keen on that.”

“You’re not _keen_ on that? What the fuck, man? Is it the fifties?” Frank just laughed, smacking Gerard’s arm, then apologizing in case he had hurt him.

“I’m not made of glass, Frankie. You can be rough with me,” Gerard winked back.

“And this is where Mikey exits stage right,” Mikey said, going upstairs without another word.

“Bye,” Gerard called out, but his attention was on Frank. He leaned over to kiss him, but Frank put his pointer finger up, like Gerard was an impatient toddler instead of a horny teenager.

“Please say you’ll give my parents a chance. My mom already loves you, and my dad is going to put some effort in. Mom will make sure of it,” he chuckled.

“If I say yes, can I kiss you?” Gerard asked, looking at Frank hopefully.

Frank moved closer to Gerard, putting his hands on his waist and nodding.

“Then, yes,” Gerard smiled and leaned in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think I'll do one more chapter, set a bit later, so yeah. Smut ahead.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the super long wait on this chapter. i got distracted with some other things and felt sort of discouraged with this fic, since it was my first i don't think it's the best, more of a practice one. this chapter is basically just smut, enjoy lol. thanks so much for reading!!! btw, i've already started a new (better) story, will upload that soon.

 

 It was Thanksgiving Dinner at the Way house, complete with overcooked turkey, chunky cranberry sauce and their favorite short dinner guest.

Really, though, it was more of Thanksgiving Leftovers at Ten to Midnight, because Frank had to eat with his own family first, visit with his cousins and then make his way over to Gerard’s, where they too had already eaten and visited. So, it was the just the two boys sitting in Gerard’s room watching cheesy Hallmark holiday movies to “be festive, or whatever”, according to Frank.

They were sitting practically on top of each other, Frank nestled halfway in Gerard’s lap, skimming comfortably through different topics of conversation. Gerard let Frank know he was doing okay, seeing his therapist every week still. Frank held him closer and a moment passed before conversation started again. Frank told Gerard how he and Bob had been messing around, and before he could finish, Gerard’s eyes were wide and staring at him.

“Like musically!” Frank giggled. “He plays the drums. I play the guitar, if you haven’t forgotten. We were talking and I think you should sing with us, if you want. You have a great voice.”

Gerard nonchalantly said he might be into it, but secretly he was pretty pleased. Drawing was still very important to him, but singing was another outlet he could use to get rid of the negative energy that often brought him down. He knew just because things had been going better with Frank and Frank’s family that his emotional state wouldn’t be permanent perfect. He still had his own issues to work out long-term, but he was glad he wouldn’t have to do it alone.

“Do you know what I’d be into?” Frank half-whispered, half-smirked.

“I could try to guess,” Gerard played along, sliding his fingers under the hem of Frank’s shirt which was already riding up his back. “And you tell me if I’m right or wrong.”

Frank grinned back at his boyfriend. “Okay, but only three guesses or you lose.” He took Gerard’s hands off his back and into his own. Frank leaned in to kiss Gerard playfully on his chin and jawline.

“What happens if I lose?” Gerard started to giggle, but it caught in his throat when Frank lowered his kisses to Gerard’s neck and then, tugging on his sleeve, down to his exposed shoulder.

“I guess you’ll just have to wait to find out,” he breathed against Gerard’s ear, causing him to shudder lightly. “Wanna play the odds?”

“Okay,” Gerard started, sitting up a bit straighter to compose himself, much to Frank’s dismay. “You want me to kiss you?” He tried and leaned in for a kiss but Frank pulled his mouth away.

“Yes, but that wasn’t what I was thinking of. Two more guesses!” Frank leaned in to give Gerard a consolation kiss when he frowned.

“Hm.. Do you want me to blow you, Frankie?” Gerard licked his lips suggestively at Frank, who almost agreed but held strong.

“No, Gee, not right now I don’t.”

Gerard hesitated a moment before looking into Frank’s eyes and asking, “Do you want me to fuck you, Frank?”

Frank sucked in his breath. “Too bad.”

Gerard furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

Frank smiled mischievously. “Too bad you didn’t lose. I was looking forward to it.”

Gerard smiled too and leaned in to kiss Frank. He moved back to pull off Frank’s shirt and then whispered in his ear, “I have condoms and uh, lube in my dresser.” He kissed Frank again and crawled off the bed to open his sock drawer where he kept them somewhat hidden.

“You know, I’ve never…” Gerard trailed off when he got back to Frank.

Frank reached up to put a hand on Gerard’s cheek. “No, I know. It’s okay. Me neither.” The boys kissed and Gerard climbed back into bed.

Frank reached down to unzip his jeans and Gerard took his shirt off. He’d grown a lot more comfortable with Frank over the last several weeks and felt more confident than he ever had about his body. When Frank was just in his boxers he looked up to admire Gerard’s pale body.

“You’re so beautiful. I love you,” Frank sighed.

“I love you, too,” Gerard placed a finger on each side of Frank’s shorts and pulled them down, biting back a moan at the sight of Frank’s hard cock. He stroked it a couple times before pulling his own underwear down.

Frank rolled over to give Gerard better access when he saw him snap open the bottle of lube. Gerard poured a glob out onto his hands and rubbed it between his fingers before placing them at Frank’s entrance.

Frank winced and Gerard pulled back. “It’s okay, Gee. It’s just a little cold. I’m ready,” he smiled over his shoulder at Gerard.

“Okay,” Gerard nodded and slid one slick finger inside Frank. He moaned, but not in pain. Gerard was already fully hard. He moved his finger in and out only a few times before Frank asked for another one, and soon Gerard was using three fingers and Frank was pushing back against his hand.

“I’ve kind of been practicing,” Frank admitted. “I wanted to be ready for you.”

Gerard didn’t answer, just grunted. He was already close and wasn’t even inside Frank yet. Frank seemed to be able to tell.

“I’m ready for you, baby.”

Gerard slipped on the condom and stroked himself quickly before lining himself up. “God, Frankie. I love you,” he moaned and pushed inside his boyfriend. Frank groaned as he did and pushed back against Gerard. Within seconds he was all the way in. He dragged his dick out again and back in, bracing himself with a hand in Frank’s messy hair.

Frank reached down and began to jack himself off. He couldn’t take it anymore. He loved the way Gerard felt inside of him and how close they were was driving him over the edge already. He was nearly coming when Gerard began to move faster and harder, moaning Frank’s name. That was all it took and Frank came in his hand, covering the sheets.

Gerard heard Frank swear and felt him ride out his orgasm. He pushed into Frank quickly another few times and whimpered, all the pressure in his body building up and then releasing all at once. He came, dick pulsing and still inside Frank. Gerard breathed for a moment before he pulled out and collapsed next to his lover.

They lay together tangled in the dirty sheets and too tired to care. Frank crawled closer to Gerard and kissed his shoulder. “I’m so lucky to have you, Gee. Don’t ever leave me.”

Gerard kissed him back and told him he never would. And he knew deep inside that he was telling the truth. Life would still be hard, but they would always have each other.


End file.
